a joke to start off the new year.

Discussion in 'TM Lounge' started by jcmacman, Jan 3, 2005.

  1. jcmacman

    jcmacman Pianissimo User

    Dec 10, 2003
    Remember....it is a joke.

    A cowboy was herding cattle in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your heard, will you give me a calf?"

    The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
    peacefully grazing heard and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

    The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
    connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he the feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

    Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the
    image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of his data via an email on his Blackberry and after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full color, 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

    "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
    cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

    Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
    exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

    The young man thinks about it for a second and then agrees.

    "You're a Democrat consultant" says the cowboy.

    "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

    "No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
    though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business.

    Now...give me back my dog.
  2. jpkaminga

    jpkaminga Pianissimo User

    Jul 1, 2004
    heres a couple I heard the other day they're a little more on the silly side:

    A guy is walking down the street when he sees an old friend, so he stops for a chat and says "long time no see, what's new"

    and his friend replies "well actually I just got some bad news the other day, it turns out I've got lock jaw"

    so the guy is like "o man that stinks are you getting it treated?"

    and the friend replies "actually I was thinking of leaving it alone, I just got some new gold teeth put in and I could use the extra security"

    (I know its really bad, and hows the guy with lockjaw speaking anyway)

    the next one needs people to guess at it:

    What do you call a cross between a long haired horse and a short haired donkey?
  3. Mikey

    Mikey Forte User

    Oct 24, 2003
    I would imagine something to do with an a** with long hair?

  4. Tootsall

    Tootsall Fortissimo User

    Oct 25, 2003
    Yee HAW!
    An elderly gent at the rest home decides to get himself all spruced up. He gets dressed in his finest, puts on his best bow tie and slips into his tweed jacket with leather elbow patches.

    Taking his cane he strolls down the sidewalk to the neighbourhood pub.

    Selecting a barstool next to a very attractive young lady, he orders a beer and leans over to ask her, "Tell me, do I come in here often"?
  5. jpkaminga

    jpkaminga Pianissimo User

    Jul 1, 2004
    well actually I won't make people guess, I just wanted to have some space between the question and answer so that people wouldn't see the answer before reading the question

    I don't really know how to spell it but if you get the joke you'll know how to say it, "a mule-et" :lol:
  6. Tootsall

    Tootsall Fortissimo User

    Oct 25, 2003
    Yee HAW!
  7. ScreaminRaider

    ScreaminRaider Piano User

    Apr 22, 2004
    San Antonio, Tx
    wow....I don't even know where to start with that one
  8. Annie

    Annie Piano User

    Nov 13, 2003
    Gee...I was gonna guess a hairy a**
  9. Lazorphaze

    Lazorphaze Piano User

    Feb 3, 2004
    annie, how old are you in that picture?

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