Passion, there has to be some way for you to be able to move on with this. I "hear" the change in your tone, from the way you are writing. You seem to be coming to grips with the problem, albeit slowly. Perhaps you need to talk to someone about all this if you can - just talking can help from my experience. We, here on TM, are not really qualified or appropriate for some sorts of discussions, particularly about depression, although I'm very sure that some of us have suffered in much the same way. But we are all still here. A large number of us have come back to the instrument after decades away - away for many reasons including a loss of interest in the trumpet. Ask us specific trumpet, music, performance, equipment, questions and we will all jump in, when we get questions about loss of passion for the instrument, most of us are not equipped to answer although we desperately want to help. I know about airplanes for example. So, whatever your current motivation, start slowly, play stuff you really like, practice in short bursts so that you don't become overwhelmed (bored) all at once, and keep talking to us all - even if we are unable to provide a solution, we ARE able to provide an interested ear and have some sympathy to your cause. Other TMers and I must be careful NOT to be amateur psychologists - but by you talking to us at least you can clear your mind - we will understand. On a positive note - you've got the talent to achieve the scholarship - now see if you can find the motivation again - you obviously can do this, but search for ways to enjoy yourself as you play.