Any more funny guys out there?

Discussion in 'Trumpet Discussion' started by edfitzvb, Oct 14, 2010.

  1. flugelgirl

    flugelgirl Forte User

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    How do you know when the stage is level? Drool comes out BOTH sides of the drummer's mouth!!! :-P:lol:
     
  2. edfitzvb

    edfitzvb Forte User

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    Okay, just got this one in the mail the other day:

    A jazz trio is playing a gig at an upscale nightclub. They play a classic bebop tune at a fleet tempo with grace and ease. Then comes a Wayne Shorter composition filled with mysterious harmonies, poignant melodies and daring improvisations. Next they present a medley of lesser known Harold Arlen songs that only a connoisseur would recognize, again played with elegant styling and exquisite taste.

    The whole evening has been one dazzling performance after another. Though the trio is playing background music and not a formal concert, the audience can sense that the musical display they are witnessing is of such a high caliber that the musicians should be allowed to perform as they please without interference.

    Then a well-dressed middle-aged man approaches the bandstand and asks the pianist "Can you play Laura's Theme from Dr. Zhivago?" The pianist tells the man that they are jazz musicians and that they usually don't take requests of that sort. The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out three one hundred dollar bills which he lays out on the piano. The pianist looks at the bass player and drummer and says "Lara's Theme in G." They play the tune in the fashion of the original version, the pianist emulating the Balalaika textures with a delicate upper register tremolo. The song obviously does not present the same level of difficulty that the trio is accustomed to dealing with.

    As the pianist plays, he absent-mindedly gazes at the soundboard of his ebony Steinway B and wonders about the grain in the wood."How would the tonal characteristics be altered if the grain of the soundboard ran perpendicular to the strings rather than parallel", he silently asks himself.

    The bass player amuses himself with an assortment of well-placed double-stops and harmonics. He daydreams as he looks at the top of his mid-nineteenth century double bass made by French master, Paul Claudot, and wonders "How many times has the top been varnished, how did the varnish of past years differ from today's, how would the resonance properties be affected if there were no varnish at all?"

    The drummer gazes down onto the single ply, medium weight head of his 1950's vintage black oyster pearl snare drum and thinks to himself
    "One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three."
     
    fraserhutch likes this.
  3. Solar Bell

    Solar Bell Moderator Staff Member

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    At the gig....

    The guitar player is saying to himself "Oh MAN!, I am SOOO Good!"

    The sax player is saying to himself "Bird has got NOTHING on me!"

    The trumpet player is saying to himself "If I play these high notes cleanly that beautiful blonde might go home with me."

    And the bass player is saying to himself "C C G G A A G B C."
     
  4. Ed Lee

    Ed Lee Utimate User

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    Harold Arlen is probably best known for Somewhere Over The Rainbow and Stormy Weather, both in my repertoire. The "original" of "Lara's theme" is Somewhere My Love by Maurice Jarre. It is an adaption of the original that backgrounds the movie, Dr. Zhivago. Somewhere My Love is inclusive in my current limited CD release of Choices Volume One.

    NOTE: There are NO drums in my brass prformances!
     
  5. NickD

    NickD Forte User

  6. edfitzvb

    edfitzvb Forte User

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    What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?


    NOBODY cries when you chop up an oboe.







    How do you get two flute players to play in tune?


    Shoot one of them.
     
  7. Satchmo Brecker

    Satchmo Brecker Piano User

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    Jul 19, 2010
    From the category "Music Jokes Physicists Would Appreciate":

    - I once knew a trumpet player who could play scales so fast.

    - How fast could he play them?

    - When he played scales the metronome would slow down.


    High-oooooo.
     
  8. tobylou8

    tobylou8 Utimate User

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    badump-bump!!:lol:
     
  9. rowuk

    rowuk Moderator Staff Member

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    The trumpet IS the ultimate percussion instrument. Just ask the bones in a traditional big band.

    In classical settings like with Mozart, Beethoven or Haydn, just compare the trumpet part to the tympanies................
     
  10. JohnSchmitt

    JohnSchmitt New Friend

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    Sep 29, 2010
    A lawyer, a priest, and a jazz trumpet player are at the pearly gates.

    The lawyer's number is called.

    St. Peter: Ok sir. Lawyer. Let me check the book here. [thumbs through pages, back and forth, back and forth] ... ok looks like you're good. Just go right through the gates there.

    Number 17? Oh, I'm sorry father I didn't see you there. Go right in.

    Number 18? Ok. Jazz trumpet. [thumbs through pages, makes a phone call, pulls out another book and turns some more pages] Looks like everything's in order, sir. Just go around the back, through the kitchen to the freight elevator...
     

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