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Discussion in 'TM Lounge' started by dauminator3, Jul 4, 2004.
I am glad you are here..........
I am too!
Man, who put a stick up your ass?
Yes Belated Happy Birthday's American folk!
Sorry i'm late but ive been tied up for a day or so! NO not that sort of tied up Bruce!
Don't worry about it, he's a teenager, they're supposed to be like that.
On the subject of independance day, I was reminded of this e-mail which went around a few years ago. Enjoy!
BTW, this is posted in friendly jest, happy independance day guys!
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without
the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally,
you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you
to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby
sevens side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that
there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russian shave never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you British cars, you will understand what
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
God Bless America, and especially God bless all of our troops over seas fighting for our freedom. We are all in your debt.
I just got back from a week in DC. I saw all of the Smithsonian, plus the memorials on the mall. The new WW-II memorial must been seen to really appreciate. We were down there the morning of the 4th, and there were many WW-II vets in uniform, just milling around and talking with the people. Put a lump in my throat.
God Bless American. and Happy 4th!