I just want to be a trumpet player

Discussion in 'Trumpet Discussion' started by trumpetgirl612, Jan 5, 2006.

  1. Alex Yates

    Alex Yates Forte User

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    Aug 11, 2005
    Atlanta, GA
    I am going to be painfully truthful with you. You are very young and in college. You will always get an eyebrow or a funny vibe at first, but if you can play, that goes away the minute "those dirty men" hear you. If you can play the horn, you will get the respect....maybe not as readily as your male counterparts and maybe not as openly, but you will FEEL and KNOW you have the respect from your colleagues. Once you have that, you will be wishing they sometimes remembered you were female! So, just accept that initial vibe thing, it will never go away because all trumpet players size each other up - its not solely because you are female. The only other obstacle right now, since you are in school, is your true trumpet ability. Trust me, it only gets 1000 times harder once you are out of school and want a job that many others want. All stops are out and you can't whine. You have to compete at the same level or forget it.
     
  2. Manny Laureano

    Manny Laureano Utimate User

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    Sep 29, 2004
    USA
    Em,

    Read what I'm going to say to you well because i'm going to reply to you as the friend you regard, I hope.

    I am many things before I am a trumpeter. I am a man, I am a human with feelings, I am the head of a family, I am a friend to all those that would have me be so, and I am a lover of music.

    Before all of those things I was a boy first, a son, a friend to all that would have me be so, and a lover of music.

    The trumpeter I am today is the sum total of those things I was and now am. In other words, my dear Em, I would not be sitting here without those qualities, each and every one.

    You are a young lady now in important years of your life. The only thing that happened in that store was the rude behavior of someone with no manners. What I'm saying is that men will never be able to turn off that side of them that finds a young lady attractive. That's just human nature.

    HOWEVER, what men do have in their power is the ability to keep thoughts, words, and actions that accompany those thoughts TO THEMSELVES. Had the bozo that said that to you (or in a way for you to hear it) merely exercised restraint you would not have needed to post what you shared with us. I work with some very beautiful women at the MO but you just keep your mouth shut and keep flirtatious comments to yourself. You treat people like pros.

    You would do well to ignore stupidity in the form you described earlier. There are plenty of good looking female trumpeters that are being judged for what they do. There are plenty of good looking male trumpeters also, some of whom have reputations that make me wonder if part of their status has to do with their being "pretty boys".

    Does it make me a better player to wonder? Do those players give a care what I think? No and no.

    The bottom line is that you will always have young men look at you because of your fetching good looks, with or without a trumpet in your hand. And one day, there will be one that you actually hope is attracted to your good looks because it will be the catalyst by which you get to know him and decide if he's the one. That's why, not to get off the subject, holding off on the physical side of love is a good idea because the worthwhile ones will hang in there and get to know YOU not your body.

    Next time someone says something like that, look them square in the eyes and say "That's rude." If they're substantially older it's always good to add "... and someone your age should know better!". That usually shuts them up pretty quickly.

    I'm sorry that happened to you. There are so many nice ways to let a young lady know you appreciate her good looks without being crass and I'm afraid fewer and fewer men are willing to take the high road to do it properly these days. BUT I will say, some women today have not helped the situation with their two-sided behavior either but that's for another thread.

    Shrug it off... don't allow stupid behavior to change your good nature. And I once, long ago, let you know what I thought of the tag line so we needn't go over that again.

    Isn't it nice, by the way, to know that so many people have expressed a warm fondness for you on this board? And that's without having met you personally!

    Have a good evening,

    ML
     
  3. trumpetgirl612

    trumpetgirl612 Pianissimo User

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    Mar 30, 2005
    practice room 5
    Manny,
    Thank you very much, for being honest, and non-judegemental about my post. There is no need to be sorry for what happened, I just wish more people would see how their rudeness can affect others. Acutally, in all hoensty, having not been here awhile, I had forgotten I never changed my tagline..but I have forgotten my password <i am automatically signed in when i arrive at the site> and requested the email...only to find the school email is down...of course
    But i appreciate your honest post as a friend, as a musician, and as a professional.
    I hope all is well with you.
    Em
     
  4. Alex Yates

    Alex Yates Forte User

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    Aug 11, 2005
    Atlanta, GA
    Em, I just want you to know that I was not being judgemental with you. I will admit, due to your puncuation, it is easy to misinterpret some of the things you said in the way that you meant them. I also want you to know that basically, what you are uncomfortable with will NEVER GO AWAY....NEVER. You just have to learn to deal with it. The best way usually is not to respond at all, but I will never say it is easy. It goes both ways. You might find yourself very attracted to a teacher or colleague and will have to restrain your urges or emotions for the sake of your work. It is this way in most fields, not just music. It is very difficult to juggle at times. Stay focused on your trumpet and that will be your voice. Learn how to deal with this other issue that bothers you so much the best way you can. Always remain professional when possible. I may seem curt, but what I am doing is being HONEST with you about what it will be like for you from here on out. Too many people try to sugarcoat realities. The sooner you know the reality, the sooner you can train yourself in how to deal with such issues so they don't distract you from your goals. The field is not loaded with the nice guys like you have met here. When it comes to working, it is every person for themselves and it is just tough. You have to build a strong outer shell. I had to learn and it took a long time. On the inside, it always smarts, but dwelling never helps. Hang in there and focus on loving what you do. Sincerely, AY
     
  5. trumpetgirl612

    trumpetgirl612 Pianissimo User

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    thanks Alex,
    sorry to have taken what you said the wrong way
    and thanks again for your post, i appreciate it
    xoxo
    Em
     
  6. Alex Yates

    Alex Yates Forte User

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    Aug 11, 2005
    Atlanta, GA
    Oh gosh, no apologies necessary! xoxoxo Em....that is what I am here for.....I love to talk shop with the guys, but I also want to offer guidance and advice for any of the young ladies coming up. A safe haven for girls and young ladies who might feel a woman is more approachable for certain questions. While my experience parallels most of my colleagues, my perspective is different. I wish I would have had someone to help me and give me advice from this perspective. I wish the internet had been around then so the few of us that existed could have communicated about such things. I feel a responsibility to all of the talented young ladies who are now choosing the path that I did.
     
  7. Alex Yates

    Alex Yates Forte User

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    Aug 11, 2005
    Atlanta, GA
    Ask Abbie Conant about that.....it doesn't fix anything.

    Also, these days it really doesn't matter as far as tenure goes. A lot of the men winning jobs are not getting tenure either. There are so many orchestras that have been revolving doors for a decade now. Anyway, I really don't want to get into the prejudices topic, etc. That is an entirely different (and undesirable thread). Em was talking more about sexism honestly. It doesn't seem as though her advancement has been affected by these events (prejudice), but it annoys her (rightly so) to be seen as a woman first when in a trumpet situation (sexism). There is always the assumption right off the bat that, "heh, she can't play". That is fading as more trumpeters coming up are female, but that is what she was relaying as far as I understood. I know I felt the same way at her age and for many years later.
     
  8. trumpetgirl612

    trumpetgirl612 Pianissimo User

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    alex
    you hit it head on
    thanks!
     
  9. Alex Yates

    Alex Yates Forte User

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    Aug 11, 2005
    Atlanta, GA
    Voila !!!! :grouphug:
     
  10. trumpetgirl612

    trumpetgirl612 Pianissimo User

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    Mar 30, 2005
    practice room 5
    im learning viola lol ;)
     

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