joke time

Discussion in 'TM Lounge' started by songbook, Dec 27, 2014.

  1. BigDub

    BigDub Utimate User

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    Dec 19, 2009
    Hillsborough, NJ
    The inmates at the penitentiary decided to play a little prank on one of their more, shall we say, dim witted fellow inmates. Here’s the plan, they said, "We got a hold of one of the guard's high powered flashlights. See? We'll shine in on the base of the wall tonight, when it’s all clear. You get on it and we'll lift you slowly up the wall, right on the beam of light, see?
    He says, "HEY, wait a minute, how dumb do you think I am?"
    Why? They asked.
    "I know what you'll do. When I get half way up the wall you'll turn off the light!"
     
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  2. SSMITH1226

    SSMITH1226 Pianissimo User

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    Dec 12, 2015
    Marathon, Florida
    4A1BAFDD-7688-4A7F-BF42-A65C678D2FAE.jpeg
     
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  3. Frankie Prive

    Frankie Prive Pianissimo User

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    Feb 21, 2010
    Mansfield UK
    I got home after midnight from the pub last night.
    My wife shouted down from the bedroom, what's all the noise for?
    I told her I was trying to get a barrel of beer upstairs.
    She told me to leave it by the door and come up to bed.
    I can't, I told her.
    Why? She asked.
    Because I've already drunk it I said.
     
  4. barliman2001

    barliman2001 Fortissimo User

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    Jul 5, 2010
    Vienna, Austria, Europe
    "Daddy, will you give me a fiver?" -
    "Why should I, son?" -
    "Well, do you want to know what the postman said to Mummy this morning?" -
    "OK, here's the fiver. What did he say?" -
    "He said, "Good morning, Mrs. Watson, will you sign for this parcel, please?""
     
  5. barliman2001

    barliman2001 Fortissimo User

    4,745
    4,959
    Jul 5, 2010
    Vienna, Austria, Europe
    USA, in the year 2034, in the 18th year of King Donald the First (nicknamed The First Golfer):
    Dogs are allowed to bite postmen with impunity, but only on condition that
    1) the postman is one of the few remaining Hispano illegals
    and
    2) the dog is white and has been baptized in Westboro.
     
  6. J. Jericho

    J. Jericho Fortissimo User

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    Mar 16, 2011
    Heard on the radio:

    Cop: "Were you drinking while driving?"

    Driver: "No, ossifer, I wash only drinking my Zhim Beam at the shtop shines."
     
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  7. tobylou8

    tobylou8 Utimate User

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    Dec 22, 2008
    Virginia
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  8. J. Jericho

    J. Jericho Fortissimo User

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    Mar 16, 2011
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