joke time

Discussion in 'TM Lounge' started by songbook, Dec 27, 2014.

  1. Vulgano Brother

    Vulgano Brother Moderator Staff Member

    Age:
    61
    12,771
    7,670
    Mar 23, 2006
    Parts Unknown
    What goes “ha ha thump”?



    A man laughing his head off.
     
  2. bumblebee

    bumblebee Fortissimo User

    4,239
    2,153
    Jan 21, 2010
    Great Southern Land
    I was going to say I appreciate these high-brow jokes but this classic one is low-brow. Though it starts out high-brow.

    --bumblebee
     
    Vulgano Brother likes this.
  3. barliman2001

    barliman2001 Fortissimo User

    4,875
    5,164
    Jul 5, 2010
    Vienna, Austria, Europe
    Late Middle Ages, Nuremberg. The town is in need of a new public executioner's swordsman - the old one retired. Three candidates have applied and are asked to demonstrate their skills.
    The first one ties two strings round the delinquent's neck and beheads him between the two strings.
    The second one asks for three delinquents and beheads them in one blow.
    The third one just has the delinquent sitting in a chair, and gives one stroke of the sword. The delinquent asks "Was that all? Seems you failed!"
    "Just give a nod", says the executioner...
     
    SSMITH1226 and Vulgano Brother like this.
  4. edfitzvb

    edfitzvb Forte User

    2,335
    1,473
    Jun 10, 2008
    Woodlawn, VA
    The version I heard was ha ha ha ha plop, and it was a different body part.....
     
    Vulgano Brother likes this.
  5. barliman2001

    barliman2001 Fortissimo User

    4,875
    5,164
    Jul 5, 2010
    Vienna, Austria, Europe
    Four year old Davey has the brilliant idea of having his six months old ride o the family's Dachshund. Of course, the dog complains. Mummy rushes into the room, saying, "Whatever are you doing to the doggie, Dave??" - "Nothing, Mummy, the legs were bent before..."
     
    BigDub likes this.
  6. breakup

    breakup Forte User

    1,086
    591
    Jun 19, 2015
    Central Pa.
    3 Samurai were vying for a position at an advanced school for Samurai. The first drew his sword, and as a fly flew by, with one stroke cut it in half. The second Samurai stood up drew his sword as another fly flew by and with 2 strokes cut it into 4 pieces. The 3rd Samurai drew his sword as another fly went buy and swish, swish several times with his sword and the fly continued as if it hadn't been touched. The panel and others were laughing when the 3rd Samurai spoke up and said, "The fly appears to be unharmed, but he will never reproduce again".
     
    tobylou8 and SSMITH1226 like this.
  7. barliman2001

    barliman2001 Fortissimo User

    4,875
    5,164
    Jul 5, 2010
    Vienna, Austria, Europe
    "John, what was that almighty crash just now?"
    John, looking out of the window:" Someone just tried to turn into the side street." -
    "But there is no side street." -
    "And that's why there was such an almighty crash..."
     
  8. Vulgano Brother

    Vulgano Brother Moderator Staff Member

    Age:
    61
    12,771
    7,670
    Mar 23, 2006
    Parts Unknown
    What's the range of a trumpet?
    Thirty yards if you've got a good arm.
     
    neal085, J. Jericho, tobylou8 and 2 others like this.
  9. neal085

    neal085 Mezzo Forte User

    874
    850
    Sep 6, 2012
    Ft. Worth, TX
    Next time your wife is angry, just put a cape on her and say, "Now you're Super Angry!"

    She'll love it.
     
  10. barliman2001

    barliman2001 Fortissimo User

    4,875
    5,164
    Jul 5, 2010
    Vienna, Austria, Europe
    "What will you give me in exchange for my wife?" -
    "Nothing." -
    "Okay, it's a deal!"
     
    tobylou8, SSMITH1226 and Dennis78 like this.

Share This Page