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Discussion in 'TM Lounge' started by songbook, Dec 27, 2014.
What goes “ha ha thump”?
A man laughing his head off.
I was going to say I appreciate these high-brow jokes but this classic one is low-brow. Though it starts out high-brow.
Late Middle Ages, Nuremberg. The town is in need of a new public executioner's swordsman - the old one retired. Three candidates have applied and are asked to demonstrate their skills.
The first one ties two strings round the delinquent's neck and beheads him between the two strings.
The second one asks for three delinquents and beheads them in one blow.
The third one just has the delinquent sitting in a chair, and gives one stroke of the sword. The delinquent asks "Was that all? Seems you failed!"
"Just give a nod", says the executioner...
The version I heard was ha ha ha ha plop, and it was a different body part.....
Four year old Davey has the brilliant idea of having his six months old ride o the family's Dachshund. Of course, the dog complains. Mummy rushes into the room, saying, "Whatever are you doing to the doggie, Dave??" - "Nothing, Mummy, the legs were bent before..."
3 Samurai were vying for a position at an advanced school for Samurai. The first drew his sword, and as a fly flew by, with one stroke cut it in half. The second Samurai stood up drew his sword as another fly flew by and with 2 strokes cut it into 4 pieces. The 3rd Samurai drew his sword as another fly went buy and swish, swish several times with his sword and the fly continued as if it hadn't been touched. The panel and others were laughing when the 3rd Samurai spoke up and said, "The fly appears to be unharmed, but he will never reproduce again".
"John, what was that almighty crash just now?"
John, looking out of the window:" Someone just tried to turn into the side street." -
"But there is no side street." -
"And that's why there was such an almighty crash..."
What's the range of a trumpet?
Thirty yards if you've got a good arm.
Next time your wife is angry, just put a cape on her and say, "Now you're Super Angry!"
She'll love it.
"What will you give me in exchange for my wife?" -
"Okay, it's a deal!"