Kung Fu Kangaroo (from Weekly World News)

Discussion in 'TM Lounge' started by Vulgano Brother, May 30, 2012.

  1. Vulgano Brother

    Vulgano Brother Moderator Staff Member

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    [h=1]KUNG FU KANGAROO![/h] By Hideaki Tailor on May 29, 2012
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    A killer kangaroo is on the loose in Australia!

    The Kung Fu Kangaroo has attacked hundreds of citizens across Australia.

    It started when the kanagaroo launched a savage assault on a mother after spending two days stalking her – then attacked her husband as she recovered in hospital.

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    Kirrily McWilliams was left with a 12-inch scar following the brutal attack by the powerful grey kangaroo as she walked down her driveway.

    It was the third time Mrs McWilliams had been confronted by the intimidating animal at her home near Port Macquarie, northern New South Wales, Australia.

    A few days later, the Kung Fu Kangaroo attacked Wilmore Johnson in a park:

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    Johnson didn’t make it. He apparently tried to confront Kung Fu Kangaroo and he just… tore him apart.

    The police launched an effort to hunt down and kill the kangaroo but Kangaroo Groups objected, saying that Kangaroos were blessed and precious creatures and shouldn’t be harmed.

    Tim Walton tried to talk to the Kangaroo… but those were the last words he ever said.

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    That didn’t sit well with the victims: ”I’m for protecting kangaroos but there seems to be nothing in place to help people,” said Susan Martin, who lost her uncle and grandfather in one of the attacks.

    “I have three children and it could have been one of them. So, if that damn kangaroo comes back – I’m going to shoot it dead.”

    Eastern greys can weigh up to 145lbs and reach almost six feet tall. They are considered dangerous and official policy is to educate people on avoiding conflict.

    There have been a number of cases of kangaroos lashing out. Some are blaming the odd behavior of the kangaroos on climate change.

    In 2012 two-year-old Zakkia Galea required stitches after he was forced to the ground by a female eastern grey kangaroo close to the spot where Mrs McWilliams was attacked.

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  2. Peter McNeill

    Peter McNeill Utimate User

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    Shhh... you'll scare away the tourists!!
     
  3. tobylou8

    tobylou8 Utimate User

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    AH! Climate change is to blame! :D Some our firearms enthusiast could probably recommend a lethal yet quiet dose of lead "poisoning" to fix the problem.

    It has to be a problem! It's printed in the world's most reliable newspaper. The same "writer" also brings us this shocker!!!

    QUEEN ELIZABETH SELLS HER BLOOMERS | Weekly World News


    SHE NEEDS THE MONEY!!!! ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL
     
  4. patkins

    patkins Forte User

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    I bet if someone would just give that Kangaroo a Dingo Horn he would be so happy and leave everybody alone. He might even outsell Botti after he gets his chops going!
     
  5. coolerdave

    coolerdave Utimate User

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