My Fair Laddie

Discussion in 'TM Lounge' started by Manny Laureano, Apr 18, 2005.

  1. Manny Laureano

    Manny Laureano Utimate User

    Sep 29, 2004
    Calling all UK members...

    Okay, it's time to put on a show.

    How about a parody of My Fair Lady with the premise being the following:

    A young, dirty-faced coal miner-by-day, cornet-playing street busker by night fellow is playing for twopence. A mature woman is able to tell him where he hails from and other musicians on the street just by hearing their style of playing and vibrato.

    She boasts that in six months she could pass this fellow off as an experienced concert musician and get him to sub with the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields ("Why Can't the English teach cornet players how to play?"). Another society lady takes him up on the boast.

    The young cornet player, Ely Doolittle, is persuaded to move in with the teacher as he wishes to teach one day in a music shop off the Piccadilly. He exasperates the teacher with his lack of worldliness and apparent inabilty to understand symphonic style ("Let a Miner in your Life"). He is also angry at her condescending tone ("Just You Wait, Henrietta").

    Finally, he understands the basics ("The Art of Most is Mostly 'Mostly Mozart'" and "Like Harry Glantz, You Played!") and is ready for a brief test at the local community orchestra made up of retired orchestra players (Gavotte from the 3rd Suite). After meeting the lovely Frieda Hill, it is time for the test at the Barbican Center where he is to meet Sir Neville Marriner as he subs in one evening with the Academy.

    The test is a success even after meeting a busy-body who intends to expose him but instead "reveals" that he is actually a young Israeli virtuoso in hiding. All seem to get credit except for poor Ely who lashes out. Frieda waits for the sight of Ely after spending days looking for him
    ("How Discreet, Where you Live..."). Henrietta is flabbergasted by Ely's wrath (Why Can't the Brasses be more like the Strings?).

    Henrietta admits to missing Ely ("I've Grown Accutomed to His Noise") and Ely returns in the end.

    All right, there's the story....

    You write the songs!

  2. Manny Laureano

    Manny Laureano Utimate User

    Sep 29, 2004
    Hmm.. no takers, ehh?

    Fine, I'll start you off.

    (To the tune of Why Can't the English...?")

    Why can't the English teach cornetists how to play?
    That wretched old vibrato grows wider everday?
    If you played as he does, ma'am, instead of the way you should,
    Why, you would be busking for good!

    A coal miner's way of playing absolutely classifies him
    The moment the horn goes to his lips, I'd like to mummify him!
    One way of playing, I'm afraid we'll never get.
    Oh, why can't the English
    Set a good example for others whose playing is painful to your ears.
    Mariachi players leave you close to tears.
    There even are places where discipline completely disappears...
    >spoken< Well, in Italy they haven't used it for years!

    In France, Maurice Andre plays with the speed of summer lightning
    Marsalis can play backwards which is absolutely frightening!
    Americans eat pizza in between each gig and job...
    >spoken< Americans don't care what they do actually as long as they swing it properly.

    One common style I think is doomed to go away.
    Oh, why can't the English,
    Why can't the English
    to play?

    Okay, the motor's running... jump on!

  3. Manny Laureano

    Manny Laureano Utimate User

    Sep 29, 2004
    By the way,

    If you're checking this out and have never even heard of My Fair Lady, you have your weekend's video or DVD rent in front of you. It's classic and very, very funny. It's based on the George Bernard Shaw play, "Pygmalion" about a young flower girl taught to become a proper lady by an incorrigible phonetics teacher. There was a movie made of that, as well, starring the incomparable Leslie Howard. Fine bit of acting, that.

  4. Tootsall

    Tootsall Fortissimo User

    Oct 25, 2003
    Yee HAW!
    Oh.... you mean "Pretty Woman" with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts!

    (Just kidding, lest someone actually think I'm serious).
  5. Manny Laureano

    Manny Laureano Utimate User

    Sep 29, 2004
    The Brits are asleep, it would seem...

    'kay then...

    Next song:

    "Wouldn't I play Properly?"

    "It's rather dull, my tone... I'll buy myself a new Capri... HUMMM...
    The missus opened up a music shop outside Paree...HUMMM...
    Me doctor recommends a quiet summer of high C's... HUMMM... HUMMMM.

    Wouldn't I play properly?"

    "Ely wants practice rooms somewhere
    Far away from the cold night air.
    With one erg'nomic chair
    Oh, wouldn't I play properly?"

    "Lots of solos for me to read,
    Play all day 'til me lips would bleed,
    Warm up, warm down all day,
    Oh, wouldn't I play properly?"

    "Oh, so properly with my embouchure
    Completely still.
    My chops wouldn't move 'til
    Neighbors banged on me windowsill."

    "My cornet restin' on my knee.
    No spits leaks from the water key.
    The Black Dyke Mills would hire me,
    Oh wouldn't I play properly?


  6. davidquinlan

    davidquinlan Pianissimo User



    Sorry, far too busy to devote time to this at the moment. Got a major roll out of one of our clients sites.. Power Tool Supplier .. nothing too exciting!! ( <- check back tuesday for the new design!!)

    Had to attend Mrs. Q. opening night starring as Jane in Salad Days in Stevenage last night!! She's off on tour for the next few weeks..


    But last nights opening night was fab!!

    Anyway, back on topic.. I'll try an think of something later when I'm on the flight to Bologna (Italy).

    Going to the San Marino Grand Prix on Sunday!! Wahoo !!!


    I saw My Fair Lady in the West End last year. Good show, great band (as usual!)
    Anyway, my idea would be for a song where a cornet player sees the light and start playing a trumpet.. to the tune of "I'm getting married in the morning"..

    May start off something like...

    I'm playing trumpet from tomorrow
    No wobbly cornet from now on!!
    Lets hear a straight note!
    No wibble wobble!
    No more silly band uniform!

    sorry that's the best I can do for the moment!!

    (I'll get my coat!)
  7. camelbrass

    camelbrass Mezzo Forte User

    Nov 5, 2003
    Dubai, UAE
    With apologies to Lerner and Loewe (and Spain),

    The scene-Ely is finally getting it!!

    "The sound in Strauss
    should fill up any house,
    the sound in Strauss
    should fill up any house"

    "And what should fill the house?"
    "Why, Strauss...yes Strauss"

    "And where should we play Strauss?"
    "In the house, in the house"

    "The sound of Strauss
    should fill up any house,
    the sound of Strauss
    should fill up any house"

    "By George I think he's got it"

    "The sound of Strauss
    should fill up any house,
    The sound of Strauss
    should fill up any house"

    I have far too much time on my hands!!!! Back to practice.



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