My Letter to Mouthpiece Express- Hope you enjoy my sense of humur

Discussion in 'Trumpet Discussion' started by ozboy, Dec 20, 2014.

  1. ozboy

    ozboy Mezzo Forte User

    Jan 17, 2007
    Thanks so much for contacting me Lisa. Your records show that it was delivered but alas, alack it was not delivered to me. I have one Schilke B5. I live in the boondocks and do not know anyone else that plays or owns a Schilke . There is absolutely no advantage in me having two sets. I acknowledge that the valve caps may have arrived in Australia on September 5[SUP]th[/SUP]. Our country is called the ‘Big Brown Land’. That is for a reason. It is bloody big. It takes me 19 hrs in the car to get to my aunties house and it is only about one 5[SUP]th[/SUP] of the way across the continent. You Americans have an expression ‘Bigger than Texas’. We say ‘As moderately sized as the overstated, over exaggerated state of Texas.’ I do not deny that the package arrived in Oz. I JUST DIDN’T GET IT.
    So, now that I have I regained my composure. Do I:
    - (a) Kiss my money good bye and never deal with your company again.
    - (b) Have a complete breakdown and discover religion.
    - (c) Is there some way of tracking from the number you sent?

    As I previously stated, in the many previous emails.(which were ignored before you came along. Refer to 1[SUP]st[/SUP] sentence of my diatribe) whilst waiting for the said package to arrive, I moved house. From my previous dealings with your company which were pleasant, I did not change address before leaving ample time for the package to arrive.

    Now if this is an attempt to make the Guinness Book of World Records, I suggest you desist. In 1790, I letter which was meant to go to Seix in Toulouse France took 220 years to be delivered due to a slight misspelling. Whilst it is a noble act to aim to be recognised, neither of us will be there to acknowledge your success.
    I eagerly await your reply. My guess is that this email will be met with a cursory ‘delete’
    I was going to send a Xmas card but I had concerns that you, your children and their children would not be around to benefit.
    Might I also, in line with the Texas and Toulouse story suggest that the word “Express’ be reconsidered in your name. I might also suggest some possible alternatives “ Mouthpieces- On a wing and a prayer” or “Mouthpiece- For those who enjoy a gamble” or “ Mouthpiece- Or Not”
    Thank you for your time Lisa. Please copy this and put it on your pin board. If nothing else, it will give fellow employees something to remember. Maybe one of their future generation may indeed see that 220 years smashed.
    Greeting and Happy Xmas
  2. rowuk

    rowuk Moderator Staff Member

    Jun 18, 2006
    Only an informed American (sometimes hard to find in the service industry) will even know what "Oz" is. I have heard that there is a wizard there and that he had a problem with a girl named Dot.....

    I hope that you get your money back - or the goods.

    Good story!
  3. Kujo20

    Kujo20 Forte User

    Sep 29, 2010
    Very well composed Ozboy! Let us know what happens.

  4. harleyt26

    harleyt26 Mezzo Forte User

    Dec 9, 2009
    Although the email is humorous, we have a saying here in the States that has to do with catching more flies with honey. Maybe your funny vinegar method works In "The Big Brown Land" though :whistle:
  5. ozboy

    ozboy Mezzo Forte User

    Jan 17, 2007
    Tried honey on multiple occasions and was completely ignored.
  6. stumac

    stumac Fortissimo User

    Oct 19, 2008
    Flinders Vic Australia
    Sorry to hear of your experience, on December 5th I ordered a Stork LD6 from Mouthpiece Express, it was shipped next day, Dec 5th in USA, picked up by contractor at Melbourne Airport on Dec 12th, delivered to Flinders Dec 15th.

    Regards, Stuart.
  7. robrtx

    robrtx Mezzo Forte User

    May 26, 2012
    Oz? Wasn't that a TV show about a prison? Oz (TV Series 1997–2003) - IMDb :cool:

    Good luck with resolving your issue. I wish that more companies realized that they will benefit more from repeat business and word of mouth when they make something right and make a customer happy.
  8. ozboy

    ozboy Mezzo Forte User

    Jan 17, 2007
    That has been my experience in the past. Whilst I am not the most fiscally enhanced human on the planet, I am not going too badly. To quote the beautiful Jesse J lyric "It is not about the money, money, money". It is the principle and the lack of courtesy. Until I got a little left field in my correspondence, I was totally ignored. Where has customer service gone? No sorry. No explanation. Just the copy of a tracking sheet that shows it was posted and delivered somewhere in Australia. Unluckily for me, not to my address.
  9. Peter McNeill

    Peter McNeill Utimate User

    Jan 30, 2009
    Melbourne Australia
    I'll keep my fingers crossed for you Tim - hopefully 2015 will be better, and maybe brings a mouthpiece in the mail.

    Nice letter - I hope I never fall on the wrong side of you :-)
    ozboy likes this.
  10. ozboy

    ozboy Mezzo Forte User

    Jan 17, 2007
    Unlikely Peter. Deep down my psychologist says I am a balanced nice guy.

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