Unsupportive Parents

Discussion in 'Trumpet Discussion' started by keehun, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. keehun

    keehun Piano User

    Feb 4, 2010
    Hi TM,

    I was recently accepted to participate in Bands of America's National Honor Band, and will have the opportunity to share the same stage as Allen Vizztutti. It was a big and awesome news to me but once I broke it to my parents they asked me "what's so good about that?" "why is it important?" "why do you want to go?"

    I don't want to give them crap because they grew up in rural South Korea with parents who have just survived the Korean War (and both of them aren't musical in any shape or form)... but I just had to ask TM about your stories of unsupportive parents...

    How was it like for you when you were growing up with your music endeavors?
  2. tedh1951

    tedh1951 Utimate User

    Oct 18, 2007
    The Wide Brown Land
    Not much here about unsupportive parents - lots and lots of supportive ones. I would expect that your parents - considering their background of hard work, family, and achievement - don't quite understand the overwhelming need to play trumpet though. Maybe this is something you have failed to communicate to them, no biggy really as it is your life, but I don't know of any parents who are not supportive of their kids.

    "Western" kids come from a culture where we are 'allowed' to follow our dreams rather than those of our parents. This of course is the overt reality - the covert reality is almost always different. ALL our parents want what they see as the best for us - what they mostly haven't grasped is that students today are in fact training for jobs that do NOT YET EXIST - so how can their expectations ever be met.

    Be respectful of your parents - but take them to the concert if you can - SHOW them your passion, your commitment to trumpet, and show them a trumpet Maestro.
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
    Vulgano Brother likes this.
  3. keehun

    keehun Piano User

    Feb 4, 2010
    I submitted and waiting an admissions reply from University of Minnesota, UW-Madison, St. Olaf, and Indiana-Jacobs all for their Music Education programs, so they know this is GOING to be my life.

    I've conducted my high school's wind ensemble* twice (which went to BOA Honor Band Festival last year) in concert already and they have missed it both times...

    I will respect my parents. I also get the sense that they want to send me. I think my mom was just trying to deter me at the initial news... Also, taking them to the concert 600 miles away will be difficult... But we'll see...

    They keep reminding me that I have to do a computer science dual degree program... ROFL Well, that is wise, and will pursue, but it's just... they aren't really confident with this music stuff, which is understandable.

    * that's from 2004. Dr. Jackson, our director and mentor believes the band is in a better shape than in 2004...

    Anyway, I digress. I didn't mean this thread to be about me, but stories of people from TM about their parents' support...
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
  4. Darthsunshine

    Darthsunshine Mezzo Forte User

    Jul 19, 2008
    Seattle, WA
    While it's always nice if your parents are supportive, this may be a good opportunity to assess why music is important to you. Is it because it is genuinely and personally rewarding, or because other's think it's neat? If you're only doing it for the praise of others you may, ultimately, not find it very rewarding. Anyway, something to ponder. Regardless, Ted's advice to be respectful is good. Oh, and it sounds like a terrific opportunity. Congratulations!
  5. Markie

    Markie Forte User

    Jan 4, 2009
    Clarksburg, WV
    keehun sez:
    I broke it to my parents they asked me "what's so good about that?" "why is it important?" "why do you want to go?"
    Did you answer the questions?
    What's so good about that?
    Why is it important?
    Why do you want to go?
    Seems like reasonable parental questions to me.
  6. gbdeamer

    gbdeamer Forte User

    Oct 16, 2008
    Who is paying for all of the Bands of America stuff? How about college? Who gave you your first trumpet? Your parents probably could have said "no" many times along the way and left it at that. Instead it sounds like they're making you defend the choices you make. Nothing wrong with that.

    Perhaps their motivation is to see that you have as many career options available to you when you're on your own? I doubt they're just trying to irritate a teenager...
  7. trumpetjump

    trumpetjump New Friend

    Mar 5, 2010
    Wow!! You seem like such a talented, thoughtful and intelligent young man. Congratulations!! I'm sure everything will work its way out in the end. Continue to show your parents, as well as all other deserving elders, their due respect; work hard at all that is important to you and the rewards will continue to be plentiful. I'm sure you will continue to make your parents, and all others who love you, very proud. Best of luck in your bright future.
  8. B15M

    B15M Forte User

    Dec 30, 2003
    Monroe Ct.
    My parents wouldn't have cared either way. Maybe my mother. My father would have found a clever way to ask why the band is lowering the standards.
  9. Mark B

    Mark B Pianissimo User

    Aug 20, 2010
    Redlands, CA
    I have to agree with gbdeamer. I think pigeonholing your parents as non-supportive is a bit harsh. Of course, I don't see the whole picture, but it seems they have supported you, directly or indirectly, all this time. They just want to see how passionate you are about this trip before they lay out the bucks. That's not that unreasonable. Present your case by answering those questions passionately and respectfully. List the pros and the cons. Present the entire thing to them and I'm sure they will at least respect the love you show for music. You may even find they will become more interested in attending, once they see how serious you really are.

    Good luck!

  10. stricd

    stricd New Friend

    Oct 19, 2010
    Keehun - there are a lot of good posts here. Given your parents' background, it is not surprising that they would need some explanation of the significance of these events in your life. That doesn't mean that they won't understand the explanation, and you can be assured that they will be very proud of your accomplishments.
    As an adult now with my own daughter, I have a better understanding of some of my parents' attitudes. We have the sometimes conflicting roles of encouraging our kids to pursue their dreams and passions, and preparing them for future independence through what we hope will be a wise and financially secure career choice.
    In your view of the world, you are a promising musician with passion and a dream. In your parents' view, they see several hundred jobs for computer specialists to every one full-time trumpet player job.
    The vast majority of trumpet players are not full-time musicians. Most of us found other ways to support ourselves and yet still find time to pursue music throughout our lives. Music is a serious lifetime passion that enriches people's lives regardless of their career paths, and helping your parents to understand this may ease some of their attitudes.
    You are lucky - your parents are wise enough to allow you to pursue your passion, and equally wise to insist that you have a back-up plan.
    Best wishes for your success
    momma_horn likes this.

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