Unsupportive Parents

Discussion in 'Trumpet Discussion' started by keehun, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. kingtrumpet

    kingtrumpet Utimate User

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    Keehun,
    lots of supporters for you here. I am one. I will tell my story - it won't really help any, but just the same.
    My Mom and Dad are getting up there in age (I'm 45, they are in their 60's). I quit the trumpet a few times, cause I was just mediocre at best (lots of embouchure problems, etc.).
    I started a comeback 25 months ago after the last quitting episode of 7 or so years. This past fall I played a few songs for my Mom and Dad - my Dad is not musical at all -- and what he told me was --"you know son your were a horrible trumpet player those first 8 or so years, I could barely stand your playing - but I knew you loved the trumpet - so I never said anything but keep practicing you will do good. ((---I played in church in my 30's, and was OK anyhow--
    fast forward to my recent comeback and the songs that I played my parents --))) my Dad continued -- "son those songs you just played, they were beautiful, they actually speak to me, your music has spirit and soul, and I know now why you never totally gave up on the trumpet, and I am glad that you didn't -- son do you know what you have become? son you are a trumpet player"
    So -- in any case -- had I been put together 30 or so years ago to have discipline, and more heart --- maybe I could have shown that to my parents way back when.
    But -- they see it, they get it now.

    I really believe your parents will get it, you will find a way to show them your passion.
    well that's all. play, have fun, be happy --
    ken
     
    Vulgano Brother and tedh1951 like this.
  2. Satchmo Brecker

    Satchmo Brecker Piano User

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    My parents were the same way. They DID support me in Jr High and High School in the sense of buying horns, paying band dues, etc. But neither of them seriously considered it an actual career choice that I might want to continue in college. So engineering was chosen for me. I regret that to this day and honestly I was very resentful for many years. And I might add, when I was in high school I was in a wedding band and made bookoo bucks (for a high school kid) so they knew money could be made. It just didn't show up on the radar of possible careers.
     
  3. hahkeystah

    hahkeystah Piano User

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    Charlottesville, VA
    back to the question in the OP: what was my experience/situation growing up? well for me it started as a curiosity in 6th grade, hearing the band playing down the hall. 7th grade and my mom bought me a clarinet to play. by 9th grade when i made the (permanent!) switch to brass i was working two part time jobs to stay away from home. my parents did support me, though pretty distantly. they knew as well as i did that i used it as an escape from life, and the trouble that plagued my siblings
     
  4. trickg

    trickg Utimate User

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    Wow - that's a pretty sad post - I don't know if you meant it that way, but it reads that way.

    Kingtrumpet, that's pretty cool that your Dad said that, and that you continued on with it. Sometimes it just takes a lot of dedication and perseverance before things start to gel. That you have continued with it, even with some fairly lengthy layoffs says a lot about you. The most time I ever took off was 18 months, and only because I was pretty burnt out at the time and probably needed to distance myself from it for a time so that I could fully appreciate what I had.

    Ultimatley we don't "need" to have the support of our parents, although it sure is nice. It was a major turning point for me when my Dad recognized that I was something other than the run-of-the-mill high school kid who would participate in band until they graduated and never play again.

    I've always marveled at some of the people I have known over the years who were solid musicians, but who put it down and never looked back, and it wasn't necessarily a lack of parental support that caused it. A friend of mine from my band camp days was totally into playing jazz trumpet. He put the horn down to pursue a degree in education to teach HS, and although he tried to pick it back up, it just never stuck. He was GOOD too - a solid all-around player, but he had some screaming chops too. As for parental support? His dad is a musician and retired school band director - he had all the support he needed.

    And then there was my sister - another solid player. Very clean player with good technique and a good sound. To compare me and her as Seniors, she was probably better than me in most regards - I had her on range and power, (she had range to C/D which is what I had, but I had a lot more power up there) and maybe from an expression point of view, (she tended to be pretty clinical in her approach, but dang - her playing was CLEAN) but she could have certainly pursued it in college and beyond. She graduated, and that was it - all of her trumpets and trumpet stuff became my stuff, and she simply walked away from it.

    I think it has to come from within - if music and playing trumpet drives you, and it's important to you, don't let anyone or anything deter you from pursuing it to whatever extent you wish to pursue it.
     
  5. hahkeystah

    hahkeystah Piano User

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    with what you said Patrick, there was a kid in my school like that. an amazing euph player. as of graduation he had been working in arbans for 3 years (quite a resume at that age imo) - got a music scholarship to george washington university for euph, and bone during jazz - just recently started talking to him via AIM, and come to find out he stopped after his first year. really isn't interested in picking music back up at this time... and is now waiting tables. who knew. i remember how pissed he was when i went pro before him, and set his sights on the richmond, va symphony... and now hes waiting tables. i don't get it... guess he just lost the passion. i know i did after 2 1/2 yrs in the army band. thankfully i've picked it up. when i retire here in the next few months i plan on being READY for it! live off my disability and and live IN my music! the passion is back hardcore!

    though i had no idea there so many more trumpet builders than trombones... i feel like a kid in an e-candy store lol bouncing from carol, to conn, olds, bach, schilke (hehe) benjamin, getzen.... like i said, candy store. can't wait to get good enough for it to actually make a difference when i go test play. (i've come to the vivid conclusion that i DO NOT like yellow brass horns. but gold, rose and silver are up in the air. i think gold and rose will land first though)

    (sorry for the sad story, TM is supposed to be happy isn't it? lol well, not all stories have a disney beginning. but mine WILL have a disney ending dangit!
     
  6. tedh1951

    tedh1951 Utimate User

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    The Wide Brown Land
    Sad or Happy - TM is about our collective journey - understand that "fun" is not the focus of every post, but we have to have some balance :dontknow:.

    Lunacy has it's place, as does serious comment, but I rather lean to the lunatic fringe myself. :roll:
     
  7. hahkeystah

    hahkeystah Piano User

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    Charlottesville, VA
    There is a fine line between lunacy and genius." Albert Einstein



    had to freetranslation.com the quote - Dans les champs de l'observation le hasard ne favorise que les esprits préparés. interesting, but i'm sure it makes more sense when said in english. "Luck is when preparedness meets opportunity" - dad
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2011
  8. tedh1951

    tedh1951 Utimate User

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    The Wide Brown Land
    How can you tell which side of that line you are on? Is it about the haircut? :dontknow:
     
  9. hahkeystah

    hahkeystah Piano User

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    im jumping back and forth as the situation merits. lunacy is alot more fun though, so i'm only my genius alter ego in case of emergency. zombie attacks and the like
     
  10. tedh1951

    tedh1951 Utimate User

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    The Wide Brown Land
    .... just as long as you are in control.
     

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