Eclipsehornplayer

That's some pretty powerful stuff Manny.

Thanks for sharing that with us.

Toots, here here. I learn something daily, even if it's a lesson I don't care to learn.

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trickg

Twice in my life I have felt compelled to express myself and to try to bridge a gap that had grown between me and another person. One was my father, the other was a guy I grew up with.

I knew Kenley from the time we were in first grade and since we only lived a bit more than a block from each other, we were on-again, off-again best friends until we started to grow apart in Jr. High and High School.

When we were in Junior High, there was a situation that centered around a rifle that was once owned by his grandfather (who had passed a year or so before) that my father owned. Kenley found out about the rifle, really wanted it since it had belonged to his grandfather, and politely asked my dad if he could buy it back. The rifle had become a valuable collectors item since my dad had bought it nearly two decades before, and although Kenley offered to buy it back for the collectors' market value, Dad sold it back to Kenley for what he had paid for it. For reasons that I've never been able to figure out, I had a very selfish attitude about the whole thing, and while Kenley got the rifle to have as a keepsake of his grandfather, my attitude became the downfall of our friendship because I thought that he had ripped off my dad.

When I was in my mid 20s, that whole situation really started to bother me and I looked Kenley up, called him out of the blue one night and apologized for acting the way that I had. He had long forgotten about it, but I felt greatly relieved and it rekindled our friendship. We stayed in contact until he was killed when the crop duster he was flying crashed in 2000.

With my father, one day when I was home visiting, I had always wanted to really tell him how I felt about him, because I wasn't sure that he knew. We didn't get along too well when I was growing up and it wasn't until I had kids of my own that I realized that while he may have been gruff in his methods, he really only wanted the best for us. Anyway, we were driving around out in the country after an afternoon of shooting, and I laid it out and told him everything I had ever wanted to tell him. He died very suddenly less than 3 months later.

These days If looking back on a situation I feel like I have either wronged someone, or have something that I feel I need to tell them, I get it out in the open. Life is too short to hold grudges and most of the time the things that we do or say that can hurt others is done in a moment when we really aren't thinking too clearly, but unfortunately, once Pandora is out of the box, it's pretty tough to get her back in.

Good post Manny - we could all do well to follow your example!

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"What we do in life echoes in eternity"
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DaveH

I have such a situation at the present time, but there is considerable acrimony, hurt, suspicion, and a high level of mistrust. Much relational "damage" on a personal level has been done. Due to that, I am seeking to put "distance" between myself and the other individual as soon as possible. This originated in the workplace, so another job for me is in the near future. I feel that such distance is in the best interest of all involved, especially myself, since I am too close and involved in the situation at this time to be in any kind of rational and non-emotional frame of mind. There is a lot of emotional and relational damage that has been done, and to a large extent, it is not repairable. Like scar tissue, it heals but it is never the same again.

So, what will happen in the future? I anticipate nothing in the short term. Time will pass. After that, some restoration may be possible, simply because the circumstances that have created the problem will not be any longer relevant. By then, the "distance" that will bring about the peace, and the passage of time, will reduce the situation to unimportance.

I am counting on time and distance to heal the wounds. Of course, it will not be like it never happened; sometimes damage must simply be lived with, and relegated to the past.

B15M

There is only one person in my life that qualifies. I have made up with every one else if some thing went wrong.

I have to interact with the person and we are polite to each other but I hate him and will never get over it. It's really too bad for me because he is such a @@@..@@ that he probably couldn't care less.

It's so bad that I had an opportunity to really hurt him badly physically and I thought about it and for some reason I didn't do it so maybe that's a step in the right direction.

I have only hated him for about ten years so maybe next year it will subside.

Sorry to wreck such a good thread.

cornetguy

If you had the opportunity to make up with someone no matter who was at fault, whom would it be?

I'm not asking you to reply by posting. Just something to mull before you go to bed tonight.

A'ight,

ML[/quote]

My counselor had me do that a couple years ago. However because of time adn distance, I actually couldnt forgive them in person, because I dont knwo where they are any more, she had me write a letter forgiving them and then put it in the paper shredder as a way of I am letting it go and putting it out of my life. Sometimes forgiveness is an ongoing struggle and you have to do it many times before it finally sinks in. As my counselor says "forgiveness is a gift you give yourself." If the other person rejects it it is there problem not yours.

I am a lot happier and healthier individual since letting it go. I was dumb enough to hold onto it for 21 years because they never asked and in so doing really only punished me and let them continue to ruin my life and make me miserable. (bullying in elementary school anyone that says it doesnt affect you in adulthood are wrong i am still dealing with issues about it)

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bandman

Nice Story -- "Happy New Year" means more with a story like that!

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