Tootsall

Sorry, it's not a pun:

Why Kids Cause Parents to Grow Old.

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered
answer.

Growing very concerned especially as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What
is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"Honey, what is going on at your house?" asked the boss, alarmed. In
an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:


"Me"

Solar Bell

One more before I go....

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade about his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and he didn't see her. On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

-cw-

__________________
Chuck Willard
The Willard of Oz

"Don't be afraid to see what you see."
Ronald Reagan

Solar Bell

OK one more once...

(I love cowboy stories)

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

-cw-

__________________
Chuck Willard
The Willard of Oz

"Don't be afraid to see what you see."
Ronald Reagan

Alex Yates

Pedal C

WARNING - this joke contains extremely mild profanity. You've been warned.

(it's better if you read it out loud)

So a bear walks into a bar in Bozeman Montana. He goes up to the bartender and says "I'd like a beer, please."

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Bozeman. You'll have to go."

The bear say, "look, if you won't give me a beer, I'm going to eat that woman siting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Look, I'm sorry, but we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Bozeman."

So the bear goes to the woman, attacks her and devours her. He goes back to the bartender and says, "Now...I'd like a beer please."

The bartender looks back the the bear and says, "No, I'm sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Bozeman when the bear in on drugs."

The bear, flabbergasted, says, "what are you talking about? I'm not on drugs!"

The bartender replies, "Sure you are. That was a bar bitch you ate."



(Like, "barbiturate") I'm sorry too...

__________________
"The oboe's A is to make sure we still play it 1 and 2" - Bud Herseth

"One way or another, every patient stops bleeding." - Scrubs