A Smile for Ruth - Page 2

Solar Bell · 05-06-2007, 12:44 PM

The Israeli police were looking for a man named Joseph, wanted for looting in the port city of Haifa. The suspect was described as the son of a Barcelona ex-nun and a German father. He was a former flutist, and he worked occasionally as a farmer.

In short, he was "A Haifa-lootin', flutin' Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe."

-cw-

Solar Bell · 05-06-2007, 12:47 PM

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment.
A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

-cw-

Rgale · 05-06-2007, 12:59 PM

From both of us, many thanks!
Some make us laugh, others make us groan! It's all good.

We've had some great talks with friends. And it does make you think about what's really important, and what isn't.
Keep them coming!

Solar Bell · 05-06-2007, 01:01 PM

OK.......

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

-cw-

camelbrass · 05-06-2007, 02:01 PM

A young Viking made a solemn promise to his blind grandfather that on the next raid across the channel that he would bring a sink home with him (evidently sinks were a luxury in Norway).

So the young Viking goes off raping,pillaging and burning and after months had not come across one sink to bring back for his poor, old, blind grandfather. On his last raid before leaving Britain the only useful piece of kit he came across was a bricklayers hod so he thought to himself 'this will have to do'.

Anyway back across the sea to Starvanger he goes sans sink but with a very nice hod in the hold. He apologised to his grandfather that he couldn't find a sink for him but had a very nice example of a bricklayers tool.

The old man responded" Silly boy. Don't you know a hod's as good as a sink to a blind norse?"

I'll get my coat.

Trevor

B15M · 05-06-2007, 02:30 PM

Two men walked into a bar, the third one ducked

Solar Bell · 05-06-2007, 03:08 PM

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night, with the tip of her index finger blown off. "How did this happen?", the doctor asked her.

"Well," the blonde replied, "I was depressed, and I was trying to commit suicide!"

The doctor scratched his head. "What? You tried to commit suicide by shooting your FINGER off??"

"No, silly!" the blonde sighed. "First, I put the gun to my chest. Then I thought, boy, I just paid $5,000 for these breast implants, I'm not gonna shoot myself in the chest."

"Then I put the gun in my mouth. But I thought, huh, I just paid $2,500 to get my teeth straightened, no way, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Well, then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, gee, this is going to make an awful loud noise! So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

-cw-

Stile442 · 05-06-2007, 05:30 PM

Why are computers and air conditioners so much alike?
They both work until you open windows

RG111 · 05-06-2007, 05:56 PM

Whats brown and black, and looks good around a conductor's neck?
a doberman.

Rgale · 05-09-2007, 04:02 AM

Ruth again. Now that I've finally seen this thread I've enjoyed it very much. And just to bring something to the table, this is Why Diction Matters.

(And in case you're wondering, what they're actually singing is "Blessed City, heavenly Salem, vision dear of peace and love . . .")

05-06-2007, 12:44 PM	#11 (permalink)
Solar Bell Moderator Fortissimo User Join Date: May 2005 Location: Metro Detroit Posts: 4,022	Re: A Smile for Ruth The Israeli police were looking for a man named Joseph, wanted for looting in the port city of Haifa. The suspect was described as the son of a Barcelona ex-nun and a German father. He was a former flutist, and he worked occasionally as a farmer. In short, he was "A Haifa-lootin', flutin' Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe." -cw- __________________ Chuck Willard *The Willard of Oz* "Don't be afraid to see what you see." Ronald Reagan

05-06-2007, 12:47 PM	#12 (permalink)
Solar Bell Moderator Fortissimo User Join Date: May 2005 Location: Metro Detroit Posts: 4,022	Re: A Smile for Ruth A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on." -cw- __________________ Chuck Willard *The Willard of Oz* "Don't be afraid to see what you see." Ronald Reagan

05-06-2007, 12:59 PM	#13 (permalink)
Rgale Mezzo Forte User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 856	Re: A Smile for Ruth From both of us, many thanks! Some make us laugh, others make us groan! It's all good. We've had some great talks with friends. And it does make you think about what's really important, and what isn't. Keep them coming! __________________ Listen to your inner voice before it says ,"I told you so".

05-06-2007, 01:01 PM	#14 (permalink)
Solar Bell Moderator Fortissimo User Join Date: May 2005 Location: Metro Detroit Posts: 4,022	Re: A Smile for Ruth OK....... Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo. -cw- __________________ Chuck Willard *The Willard of Oz* "Don't be afraid to see what you see." Ronald Reagan

05-06-2007, 02:01 PM	#15 (permalink)
camelbrass Mezzo Forte User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Dubai, UAE Posts: 798	Re: A Smile for Ruth A young Viking made a solemn promise to his blind grandfather that on the next raid across the channel that he would bring a sink home with him (evidently sinks were a luxury in Norway). So the young Viking goes off raping,pillaging and burning and after months had not come across one sink to bring back for his poor, old, blind grandfather. On his last raid before leaving Britain the only useful piece of kit he came across was a bricklayers hod so he thought to himself 'this will have to do'. Anyway back across the sea to Starvanger he goes sans sink but with a very nice hod in the hold. He apologised to his grandfather that he couldn't find a sink for him but had a very nice example of a bricklayers tool. The old man responded" Silly boy. Don't you know a hod's as good as a sink to a blind norse?" I'll get my coat. Trevor Last edited by camelbrass; 05-06-2007 at 02:05 PM.

05-06-2007, 02:30 PM	#16 (permalink)
B15M Forte User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Monroe Ct. Posts: 1,283	Re: A Smile for Ruth Two men walked into a bar, the third one ducked __________________ http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...ndid=238487314 http://webpages.charter.net/joespitzer/

05-06-2007, 03:08 PM	#17 (permalink)
Solar Bell Moderator Fortissimo User Join Date: May 2005 Location: Metro Detroit Posts: 4,022	Re: A Smile for Ruth A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night, with the tip of her index finger blown off. "How did this happen?", the doctor asked her. "Well," the blonde replied, "I was depressed, and I was trying to commit suicide!" The doctor scratched his head. "What? You tried to commit suicide by shooting your FINGER off??" "No, silly!" the blonde sighed. "First, I put the gun to my chest. Then I thought, boy, I just paid $5,000 for these breast implants, I'm not gonna shoot myself in the chest." "Then I put the gun in my mouth. But I thought, huh, I just paid $2,500 to get my teeth straightened, no way, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Well, then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, gee, this is going to make an awful loud noise! So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger." -cw- __________________ Chuck Willard *The Willard of Oz* "Don't be afraid to see what you see." Ronald Reagan

05-06-2007, 05:30 PM	#18 (permalink)
Stile442 Pianissimo User Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Deland Fl Posts: 217	Re: A Smile for Ruth Why are computers and air conditioners so much alike? They both work until you open windows __________________ -Go Confidently Into The Direction Of Your Dreams- Bb-Modified Bach Strad 43H C-Bach Strad Chicago 229 Picc-Schilke P5-4 GR 66M; 66SZ; 63PM Brandon Loos www.myspace.com/brandonloos

05-06-2007, 05:56 PM	#19 (permalink)
RG111 Piano User Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 276	Re: A Smile for Ruth Whats brown and black, and looks good around a conductor's neck? a doberman.

05-09-2007, 04:02 AM	#20 (permalink)
Rgale Mezzo Forte User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 856	Re: A Smile for Ruth Ruth again. Now that I've finally seen this thread I've enjoyed it very much. And just to bring something to the table, this is Why Diction Matters. (And in case you're wondering, what they're actually singing is "Blessed City, heavenly Salem, vision dear of peace and love . . .") __________________ Listen to your inner voice before it says ,"I told you so".

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