Liad Bar-EL

Choose Happy Thoughts

You feel sad when you keep your mind focused on negative things. Your thoughts are the cause of your unhappiness.

You have a large choice of what to think about. Instead of causing yourself sadness, focus on happiness-producing thoughts.

Imagine that you have a tape recorder and are choosing between two tapes. One will make you happy and cheerful, while the other will make you sad and miserable. Only a fool would choose the tape that causes suffering.

Your mind is constantly playing tapes. It is always your choice between self-statements and thoughts that that will make you happy and cheerful, and those that will cause you misery. Consistently choose positive thoughts and you will live a happy life.

Liad Bar-EL

Don't Demand Perfection

First, refrain from desiring what is beyond your reach. The simpler your desires, the greater the chance you will be able to meet their requirements. Anything extra you obtain beyond these demands will give you increased happiness, so you have nothing to lose and much to gain by lowering your demands and expectations. This does not rule out striving for realistic goals, only that you give up your DEMANDS for things that you may not be able to obtain.

Secondly, do not allow common day-to-day occurrences to cause you sadness. (e.g. traffic, burnt toast, etc.) Master a perspective of life that will enable you to at least accept minor hardships without becoming sad.

Liad Bar-EL

Get Up The Courage

Courage is a trait. Like all traits it can be improved. No one is born with
highly-developed courage.

Regardless of how little or how much courage one presently has, there is an ongoing need to gain even more -- and everyone can learn how to accomplish this. Asking questions is an act of courage. Sticking up for rights is an act of courage.

If you are not yet able to access a powerful courage state at will, the good news is that you can create a "courage part." Even if you do not feel that you are a courageous person, you can still have one part of you that acts from a place of courage.

If you do not yet have a "courage part," make one. Do a single act of courage, even a minor one. If this does not come easily, use the entire force of your will to say or do something that is difficult for you. Then presto! Your "courage part" is now a reality.

If you cannot yet do this in reality, create your "courage part" by utilizing your power of imagination. Imagine yourself talking and acting with courage. Then your "courage part" can be applied in real life.

When you build up your own courage, you will be able to serve as a coach to others. Some of the best courage coaches are those who had to struggle to attain the courage they now have. Since it didn't come easy to them, they know what it's like to lack the courage to do what others consider easy.

If you don't yet have the courage you would like, let the knowledge that you will inevitably be able to help others serve as a further motivation to increase your own courage. Encouraging others will give you courage in return.

Liad Bar-EL

Try This for a Change

Think of a positive trait you would like to master.

In order to integrate this trait, role play. Imagine that you have already changed that trait and see how this new pattern becomes a part of your everyday reality.

Be patient and practice regularly.

Also, your view of "change" will either motivate you to keep making positive changes, or will make you fearful and avoiding of change. One of the biggest changes a person can make is to stop viewing change as painful, hard work -- and instead to enjoy the entire process of self-development. Of course, true change is difficult. But enjoying the process keeps you motivated.

Liad Bar-EL

Be Glad You Didn't

When people think about happiness, they usually think about
being happy for positive things that occur. Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm, (1824-1898) wrote to his students to appreciate what didn't happen. He commented on a puzzling custom that he saw. When a shirt would fall from a clothesline down into the dirt, some people would say, "I am grateful that I wasn't in that shirt." It sort of makes you want to smile, doesn't it?
He explained that people play games and listen to music in
order to enjoy life. Developing the habit of being grateful for all the wrong things that didn't occur in your life will add to your daily dose of enjoyment.

When you learn to appreciate what didn't happen, it's mind-
boggling how many bad things don't happen to you in one day. I've told some people to make a daily list of ten bad things that didn't happen to them. Some find this unpleasant. And for them there are other paths to appreciation.

Liad Bar-EL

Learn to Change and Correct Faults Inversely

If you think that some pattern is unchangeable, your belief will usually prevent you from changing.

Think of a time that a pattern seemed unchangeable, but you eventually changed it. Let this serve as a guide for other difficult habits.

In every area that you have a fault, determine what behavior would be diametrically opposed to that fault. For example, someone who tends to be impulsive should slow down and think carefully before taking action. Similarly, someone who has a strong love for money should act in a very generous manner.

What do you consider to be your three greatest faults? Take one of those faults and think about what its opposite would be. Then visualize yourself mastering that positive quality

Liad Bar-EL

Don't Be Future Tense, Live Now in the Present

It is not humanly possible for a person to prepare his future exactly as he would like it to be. No person can possibly figure out in advance all the myriad possibilities of what might happen in the future. It is not worthwhile to give excessive thought about what will occur in the future. Who can be certain how events will turn out? What now appears as good can be the source of misfortune. Conversely, what you consider bad can eventually be the source of happiness. Every single person can verify the truth of this statement from daily events he is aware of.

It is easy to build up in your imagination the amount of pleasure and happiness you will derive from future events. But by over-anxiously anticipating these future events, you lose your present moments. Frequently those future events turn out disappointing. You had exaggerated their value.

The way to make the most out of your life is to live every second as fully as possible. Regardless of your situation, you have the opportunity to utilize every moment for growth.

To someone who has adopted this attitude, it will not make a great difference how the exact details of life unfold. No matter how things turn out, he still has the opportunity to make it a growing experience.