| You know...
There are some things you'll NEVER hear in the South:
A real Southerner would never say…
1. “I’ll take Shakespeare for $1000 Alex.”
2. “Duct tape will not fix that.”
3. “I would like a glass of white wine please.”
4. “We don’t keep firearms in this house.”
5. “Hey, you can’t feed that to the dog.”
6. “I thought Graceland was tacky.”
7. “No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.”
8. ‘Professional wrasslin’s fake.”
9. “Honey, did you mail our donation to Greenspeace?”
10. “We’re vegetarians.”
11. “Do you think my hair is to big?”
12. “I’ll have a grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.”
13. “Honey, those bonsai trees need watering.”
14. “I don’t understand the appeal of NASCAR.”
15. “Deer heads detract from the décor.”
16. “Spitting is such a nasty habit.”
17. “I just couldn’t find anything at Wal-Mart today.”
18. “Trim the fat off’n that steak.”
19. “Cappuccino tastes much better than espresso.”
20. “The tires on that truck are too big.”
21. “I’ll have the onion and radish salad.”
22. “I’ve got it all on a floppy disk.”
23. “Unsweetened tea tastes better.”
24. “Would you like your fish poached or broiled?”
25. “My fiancee is registered at Tiffany’s.”
26. “She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.”
27. “Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?”
28. “Hey! Here’s an episode of Hee Haw we haven’t seen.”
29. “I don’t have a favorite college football team.”
30. “Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.”
31. “I believe you cooked those green beans too long.”
32. “Those shorts ought to be a little longer Darla.”
33. “Elvis who?”
34. “Checkmate.”
-cw-
__________________
Chuck Willard
The Willard of Oz
"Don't be afraid to see what you see."
Ronald Reagan |