| I've lurked around TM and TH for some time, and this discussion is one of the first I'd really like to join in on. I've spent quite a bit of time pondering these issues, and it's unbelievably helpful to share your visions, frustrations, confusion, etc.
I finished my master's at Rice in 04, and have since been playing in a military band in DC. For about 2-3 months, you feel a sense of relief to be paying some bills (including the pitcher you bought at T's pub in '99). Soon after you begin asking some serious questions about the goals you've been setting. To try to be concise: I'm afraid that many of us, certainly speaking for myself, use the external motivation of "the gig" for so long that you either live in the constant frustration of not having one at all, or you have one and it doesn't fill the void. Instead of blaming oneself for failing or feeling inadequate, I would suggest that the premise of chasing a specific outcome is itself faulty. It was very encouraging to read about players who are focusing on artistic content, the tangible 'message' that they want to convey, and letting the chips fall where they may. The substance of your musical message is all you really have control over anyway.
One question I've pondered is whether music really should be a job? Charles Ives was one of the most inventive American composers, and he made his living as an insurance man for New York Life. (quite successfully) I don't believe these two facts to be unrelated. He didn't have to sell his compositions to put food on the table, which allowed him to write whatever the hell he wanted. Sometimes music is a tool, sometimes it's not. Not all music is designed to be music for music's sake. There's room for everything, but it's important to know which you're involved in at any given time.
For many of us, I feel that our artistic, communicative lives will have to learn to live autonomously from the pragmatic goal of making money. This can actually be a positive situation. It has helped me to think of my job this way, even though my job is in the music business. There are some serious pitfalls to having your passion mixed in with your job. (that includes orchestral musicians) If following your passion in music leads you to a point that you are selling cd's and getting some income from it- great! If the primacy is on your musical message and you're producing a great product, people will want it. But that's a natural outcome, not a goal to be pursued.
Sorry for the rambling,
Carl |