| Lara,
Letting go of control is extremely difficult. At least I know it was for me!
When I was in High School and College I knew that I could play the trumpet fairly well and I literally was in control of each aspect of my playing. From sound production, to sight reading, to planning my practice routines. The problem that I found is that playing was never easy for me. I really had to work hard for everything that I did.
My instructor in College asked me point blank one day, “Derek, is playing the trumpet easy for you?” I wanted to scream out that it was the most difficult thing in my life, but I loved it anyway. I’m sure I said something like, “No. I have to work really hard to bring all the pieces together”. He said, “I can tell. It doesn’t have to be like that”. I certainly wasn’t ready to understand what he was saying at that point in my life.
Once that seed was planted though, I began to consider his words (this was almost 20 years ago).
I seem to remember reading that you have a little brother (possibly kindergarten age). My middle son is in kindergarten, so we have some common ground on this topic. When you read to a kindergartner, they are with you on every word. They will ask questions, and after reading through something many times, they know the story and all of its details perfectly. They know the inflection in your voice, they know the timing in the way that you read, or the voices that you take on to portray different characters. They are sponges.
When we practice, we are feeding information to our subconscious in much the same way that we read to young children. And in the same way that kids are sponges and remember everything, so is our subconscious. The subconscious is literally our advocate in the area of sound production (learning everything there is to know about ease of sound production during long tones). Look at sight-reading and it is right there as our advocate as well (identifying rhythmic notation perfectly, scale patterns easily, strong beats and weak beats, internal pulse, etc.). The more that we read to our “subconscious”, slowly, and in sufficient detail, the stronger it is able to step up to the plate when we ask it to.
The problem is that when we want to control the entire spectrum of our playing, we realize that playing is hard! There’s just too much to think about. This is where letting go comes in (and as I said in my first sentence, this is extremely difficult to do).
You need to let go Lara.
I put the trust in the practice that I do in developing my personal playing advocates. When I do my balance / centering exercises to cultivate my resonant, colorful, vibrant sound, this is my chance to read to my subconscious. I go slowly, and let the sound happen. I resist the urge to control sound production. I’m never on a schedule during this part of my practice. I don’t have to finish in 10 minutes so that I can then get to skills (articulation, lip flexibilities, scales, etc.). This is purely time that I devote to falling into that great sound and staying there for sufficient time so that when I call upon it later (during practice or performance), my advocate steps up and says, “I know this story so well…let me tell you all about it!!!”
It’s just like a kindergartner excited to share something new that they have just learned.
My advice to you is to do exactly what you are planning on doing. Make it fun again. Once you find that for yourself, remember to let go. Take control of things that make sense, and let go of those things that your body knows how to do better than you can ever hope to.
I hope this helps!
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Derek Reaban
Tempe, Arizona |