| Lara, for me playing trumpet has always been a compromise of current ability vs contentment with my current ability. Playing trumpet is not hard, however, playing trumpet well, that's a different matter altogether.
I think you might be onto something though. Earlier this year I had to take a look at why at 35 years old, I continue to play, and I had to reassess what my playing goals were. I ramped up hard for an audition which ultimately I didn't win, and that also was a learning experience that allowed me to assess where I am as a musician, and whether or not I can be happy with that assessment.
I think that what you are dealing with right now might be very similar to something that my older sister Kathryn dealt with, and why she chose to abandon trumpet immediately following her graduation from high school - a surprise considering her ability and her prior level of commitment to it. She simply got to the point where playing trumpet for the love of playing trumpet and making music no longer outweighed the pressure she put upon herself to stay on top, and she decided to let it go because it just didn't play a key role in what she had envisioned for her future.
My older sister Kath was a kick bootie player - she was first chair in our high school band as a senior, she won best of class trumpet solo at music contests that year and participated in a number of statewide honor bands and was always among the best. She had a good sound and exceptional accuracy and technique for an 18 year old kid. Sadly, the last notes I ever heard her play on a trumpet (and to my knowledge the last she has played) was when she came home at Christmas during her freshman year of college and played a chromatic scale up to high C, just to see if she could. It's too bad that she lost her passion for it amid all the details.
Lara, I think that your change of mindset is going to be a great thing for a while, depending on where you want to go with it, but for now, simply take joy in the brilliance and energy that emenate from the bell of your horn.
__________________ Patrick Gleason
email me at: trickg1@hotmail.com
"What we do in life echoes in eternity"
"At my signal, unleash hell."
- Maximus Decimus Meridius |