| Help; vent
My director insists on using public humiliation as a tool to make me feel inferior.
I play lead in two of her ensembles, plus I am the only trumpet in the pit orchestra which meets each day after school.
Apparently she has some deranged view of the ability of all trumpet players. The way she rehearses us makes me believe that she thinks my endurance is invincible and my range endless. When it inevitably shows it is not, she tells me the remedy is to just "go for it" or proceeds to humiliate me in front of the class.
The way she treats her ensembles (and myself) makes me doubt whether or not I want to pursue music as a career. She makes me doubt my own abilities, and treats me like I will never be good enough. I've never heard her say "good job" or "nice sound."
I can't do this anymore. I truly care about music, and enjoy it, yet I can't have fun in her class.
What do I do? Should I put up with this until I'm out of High School in two years? Do I quit? Do I try to make the best of it? Do I retaliate?
Ugh I needed this vent. I feel myself breaking down.
__________________
-Matt
"Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. They teach you there's a boundary line to music. But, man, there's no boundary line to art."
-Charlie Parker
horn:
'79 Benge 3x
MP:
Schilke 17, Bach 3C |