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My daughter got a lip piercing. She can still play but it's so ugly and offencive that I can't look at it.
Wow, I can understand ugly, but I don't get the offensive part.
When I was a youngster I was constantly told how I had to look by my parents, I had no say in it other than what color my shirts and slacks could be. My hair was always dictated by them, regardless of what I wanted. And when I got to college and after, whenever I had a beard I got the same reaction from my parents as you say you have to how your daughter looks. I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now.
People should be allowed to be comfortable in their own skins, for whatever reason they may feel they need to look the way they do, they should be allowed to. Now I wear a beard or not as the fancy strikes, I wear my hair in a pony tail or not, as the fancy strikes, and I am comfortable just being me, and over the years as an adult have learned not to let the comfort zone of others dictate how I should appear.
The people who love me love me just as I am and that makes life so enjoyable -- they don't love me for who I might be if I only had a little more taste (in their opinion).
If you have a concern for health or safety, that's one thing -- we've told our children they can get anything pierced they want when they're on their own health insurance plans (we have a $7500 deductible -- being self-employed that's all we can afford). But to actually be offended by another person's appearance just doesn't make sense to me. It's not as if she's demanding you get your lip pierced, is she?
It doesn't mean that I don't love her. She is free to do what she wants. Do I have to like everything she does? Are we all free to do what we want? Be ourselves? What if I want to come to dinner every night naked? Should that be OK with my family? Being naked is feeling free in my own skin. Get the idea?
People that go to extremes are doing so for a reason. Looking for attention or love or something, I don't know what. When my daughter finds what she's looking for, the lip thing will come out and I will stop being offended. Either way, she has my love and support, I just hate the stupid lip thing!
I'm not telling you how you should feel -- I'm simply telling you I don't understand why you feel offended by your daughter's lip piercing. You said you can't look at your daughter's lip piercing. Since the mouth is such a prominent part of the face, I took that to mean that you can't look at your daughter's face. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted what you meant.
Sometimes there are limits to the language, and words have multiple meanings. I suspect the use of "offensive" here is one such case.
I had a discussion with one of my daughters recently about communication, and how the way people dress, tattoo's they get, the piercings they get, the way the comb their hair (if they have it), etc. are, in fact forms of communication. I also talked to her about the nature of communication: coding and decoding of messages, and the like.
Young people (older people too) often say something like, "They should not judge a person on that, it's just something they like, or it's not 'saying' anything about the person. But, when you dig down to the core, and ask a few probing questions:
1. Why do you/would someone want that? - "Because they think it's cool."
2. What do they find cool about it? - "It's just an expression of their 'X'."
3. Hm, and expression is what?
4. So expression is a form of communication.
So if you are communicating something, you are sending a message to someone. When I communicate to someone, I need to consider a number of things and try to code my message in a way that they will successfully decode my message - and correctly understand what I intended. If if fail at that, I might be partly (or more) to blame if they don't receive the correct message. So, it's important to recognize how the message you are sending will likely be decoded. Indignation of the other person not decoding it the way you want it decoded will do no good. The sender is as responsible for correct interpretation of the message as the receiver - more responsible in most cases - especially if they have a stake in it.
So, if you want to have a piercing that you know might hamper your chances of getting hired somewhere - and you decide to go ahead and do it, more power to you. But, don't whine about the manager who can't see past the piercing that runs in one ear and out the other. He might rightly be concerned with the way his customers will view the piercing, tattoo, or whatever comes next. If customer's are uncomfortable, and won't come back, all the manager's understanding for your need to express yourself will do his business no good at all.
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