Actually the boat may have already left...........
Generally (what a miserable word), Newton's Law also applies to people. Objects in motion tend to stay that way and objects at rest stagnate.
Players REALLY interested in playing find opportunities, the rest look for them.
There are very few bookers looking to give away money. They have their regulars and breaking into that scene means having connections or making a name through your own hard work.
I have been all over the world. When I moved to a particular area, before I even knew where to shop, I had something local lined up (mostly without pay). Those connections quickly moved to recommendations where money was available. It was ME GIVING first and the receiving part comes later.
Your initial post gave us plenty of reasons why we should NOT consider you (I'm no Chet Baker, I have not just left Las Vegas or the LA studio scene, can fake my way through a jazz solo IF I HAVE TO, I don't even know of any places to sit in, Please don't respond if you gig with Winton, Wayne Bergeron, or Harry Connick - you get the picture, I've worked a variety of miserable jobs, etc.). Quite a few negatives - at least in your writing style. If we booked you, would we only get depressed because of all of the things that didn't work?
What about a fresh look on YOUR life? Instead of starting with expectations and requirements, what about paying your dues locally. Play in church for free, find a local wind band - then play so people take notice. Take lessons from someone in that dying symphony orchestra - they probably have connections for whatever is available at all and it could be good for a recommendation. Bringing an uplifting experience to those around you makes them want to share you with their friends and acquaintances. Try it. It really does work.