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TM Lounge Discuss The 12 Days of Bad Gigs in the The Green Room - Non Trumpet Related Topics! forums; The 12 Days of Bad Gigs On my First lousy gig, the conductor said to me… Thank you for playing ...
  1. 12-08-2009, 02:06 AM #1
    Pedal C
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    The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    On my First lousy gig, the conductor said to me…
    Thank you for playing for free!

    On my Second lousy gig, the first trumpet said to me…
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Third lousy gig, a clarinetist said to me…
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Fourth lousy gig, the fourth trumpet said to me…
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Fifth lousy gig, a stage hand said to me…
    Pleeeeeeeeease, help tear down!
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Sixth lousy gig, the conductor said to me…
    Did you bring a stand?
    Pleeeeeeeeease, help tear down!
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Seventh lousy gig, the director said to me…
    I cut that solo,
    Did you bring a stand?
    Pleeeeeeeeease, help tear down!
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Eighth lousy gig, a bassoonist said to me…
    Where is your sound shield?
    I cut that solo,
    Did you bring a stand?
    Pleeeeeeeeease, help tear down!
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Ninth lousy gig, a violist said to me…
    What note do we tune to?
    Where is your sound shield?
    I cut that solo,
    Did you bring a stand?
    Pleeeeeeeeease, help tear down!
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Tenth lousy gig, the contractor said to me…
    You missed the sound check!
    What note do we tune to?
    Where is your sound shield?
    I cut that solo,
    Did you bring a stand?
    Pleeeeeeeeease, help tear down!
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my Eleventh lousy gig, a soprano said to me…
    Take that up a tritone,
    You missed the sound check!
    What note do we tune to?
    Where is your sound shield?
    I cut that solo,
    Did you bring a stand?
    Pleeeeeeeeease, help tear down!
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!

    On my LAST stupid gig, the oboist said to me…
    PULL OUT YOUR GOSH DARN FREAKING SLIDE, YOU’RE FREAKING SHARP!!!
    Take that up a tritone,
    You missed the sound check!
    What note do we tune to?
    Where is your sound shield?
    I cut that solo,
    Did you bring a stand?
    Pleeeeeeeeease, help tear down!
    Can I use your straight mute?
    Don’t point that at me,
    I’ll take the solos,
    And thank you for playing for free!




    (The oboe thing is a true story...edited for language, of course!)
    Last edited by Pedal C; 12-09-2009 at 12:47 AM.
    "The oboe's A is to make sure we still play it 1 and 2" - Bud Herseth

    "One way or another, every patient stops bleeding." - Scrubs
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  2. 12-09-2009, 05:32 PM #2
    operagost
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    My head would explode from the irony. Is it possible to tune an oboe, or do they come with the mouthpiece welded on?
    2006 Yamaha Xeno 8335RGS
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  3. 12-09-2009, 05:37 PM #3
    jbkirby
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    Tuning an oboe is like nailing Jell-O to a tree...
    JBKIRBY

    1913 Conn Circus Bore Cornet
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    Early 1970s Getzen Eterna Flugelhorn
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    1969 Conn 38B Connstellation Bb Trumpet
    1955 Conn 18B Director Coprion Bb Trumpet
    1965 Conn 15A Director Bb Cornet
    1960 Conn 15B Director Bb Trumpet

    I was playing once and afterwards, a little boy approached me and stated that he played the trumpet. I asked, "Do you play like I do?" and he replied, "I used to."
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  4. 12-09-2009, 06:03 PM #4
    operagost
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    Nailing an oboe to a tree is like serving Jell-O... maybe not the greatest, but it's likely no one will complain.
    2006 Yamaha Xeno 8335RGS
    1987 Conn 100B "Doc Severinsen"
    1946 Conn 22B "New York Symphony"
    1927 Conn 6A
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  5. 12-09-2009, 06:13 PM #5
    jbkirby
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    Amen, my friend, amen.
    JBKIRBY

    1913 Conn Circus Bore Cornet
    1967 Olds Ambassador Bb Trumpet
    Early 1970s Getzen Eterna Flugelhorn
    1972 Olds Pinto Bb Trumpet (Weird Horn!)
    1969 Conn 38B Connstellation Bb Trumpet
    1955 Conn 18B Director Coprion Bb Trumpet
    1965 Conn 15A Director Bb Cornet
    1960 Conn 15B Director Bb Trumpet

    I was playing once and afterwards, a little boy approached me and stated that he played the trumpet. I asked, "Do you play like I do?" and he replied, "I used to."
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  6. 12-10-2009, 04:17 AM #6
    ComeBackKid
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    Pedal C - What a great insight. That's why I play in a community band. I just stick my tongue out at all of them.
    Come-Back Kid
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  7. 12-10-2009, 04:06 PM #7
    rowuk
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    My daughter plays oboe, you can tune it. A is OK but concert C can be a real pain. You don't listen to oboes, you yell at them.
    Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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  8. 12-11-2009, 04:55 PM #8
    Learningon
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    :) I've send this to so many of my friends!! Its sooo hilarious to see what they say!
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  9. 12-16-2009, 08:34 PM #9
    Phil
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    I was taught that oboes can only be tuned by making a new reed. Out of tune oboe means not enough air or bad reed. Either way, the oboe is going to be out of tune
    Tennessee Tech Music performance Major

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  10. 12-18-2009, 10:32 PM #10
    WGing
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    Re: The 12 Days of Bad Gigs

    Tuning an oboe is like trying to teach a bunch of seagulls how to sing.
    Last edited by WGing; 12-18-2009 at 10:35 PM.
    It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
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