trumpet blower88

So, for my english class we got the chance to do some extra credit. One choice was to write a short play, a very short play. So heres what I came up with after about 15 minuets:

Our story begins with a guy. We'll call him Larry. Larry was just a regular guy, you're 'average joe' if you will. I belive it was a Tuesday, Larry whent to the local laundromat to buy some peanuts.

Larry: Hey, give me some peanuts.

Laundry Lady: Um, we don't have peanuts. We're a laundry store

Larry: Hey, who are you? Do you work for the CIA?

Laundry Lady: Um, no. And what are you doing here?

Larry: Stuff. Uhh... What are you doing here?

Laundry Lady: What's wrong with you? You people drive me insane! What are you doing here if you don't have any laundry?

Larry: Uh... Stuff

Laundry Lady: Ok! That's it!

The Laundry Lady smashes the guy over the head with a cantelope.

Larry: Hey! You just hit me on the head with a cantelope!

Laundry Lady: Yeah, and the - -

Larry: What the hell is wrong with you?

Laundry Lady: Well, you're the - -

Larry: I'm not playing 'Hide-and-go-Seek' with you anymore!

Laundry Lady: What the - -

The guy leaves, slamming the door. Ants begin to eat the smashed cantelope. Laundry Lady begins to cry, and a small rat liveing in a hole implodes, leaving the cat furious.



So what do you think?

Tootsall

Letter from the reviewer to the author:

"Dear Sir, I am sitting in the smallest room of my house and I have your manuscript in front of me. Soon it shall be behind me."



Kinda cute but I'm wondering what a "laundry store" is... where they sell laundrys? I also suggest that you want to check your spelling... the rat was "living", not "liveing" in the small hole.

You gave away the ending... the cat was the CIA agent.

A token mark is granted to a token effort.


To tell the truth, since we have no idea of your age, grade level, nor teacher's expectations it is difficult if not impossible to adequately evaluate your work.

trumpet blower88

Yes, I do admit I really need to work on spelling, I never have been great at that. I'm a senior in highschool, if you wanted to know my age. And for teacher expections, she's not really looking for "quality" as much as creativity. I'll be the first to admit that looking at this from a serioius point of view and really looking for errors that english teachers would normal look for, this would be absoulutly awful! But thats not really the point, it's supposed to be just a dumb litle project to have fun with and put all the rules aside. Maybe I should have mentioned this in the origional post. Haha.

Manny Laureano

TB,

If you want to get good at that sort of thing, try to score some Monty Python's Flying Circus stuff. I don't mean the movies, that's a different type of writing, but the TV shows. I kind of get what you were trying to do, reaching for the outside of humor. For American stuff, Bob and Ray (old radio program) were very unique at that kind of humor. Jonathan Winters, too.

ML