Manny Laureano

A friend sent me these and I like it but EVERYBODY gets theirs on this one.

A look at political philosophies using bovine examples:

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send audio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

ML

Alex Yates

I LOVE IT! And of course I liked the Belgian one! How true!

Thanks for the belly laughs this morning!

Ummm...wait a minute! Where is the Puerto Rican Corporation?

Manny Laureano

Puerto Rican Corporation

You have two cows
You barbecue them both and hold an all day and night party and invite the entire island (or all your relatives, whichever is bigger)
You go to church Staurday and confess your sins of gluttony
On Monday apply to the government for more cows

ML

Alex Yates

That gets two belly laughs and a chuckle! Good one!

trumpetmike

The Irish Corporation?

You have two cows.
You wonder why you can't get wool from either of them.
You have a Guinness.
You no longer care about cows.

Solar Bell

Alex,

Took me this long to realize you're a Buffalo!!

...and I live in a very Buffalo neighborhood...with a LOT of pigoen racers, bike racers too!

...and I played for about 10 years with the BABMA band.

-cw-

Solar Bell

The BRIT's cows all went mad!!

...and while we're across the pond...

"Last week a shipment of Viagra was hijacked coming into Leith Docks in Edinburgh. Police are on the lookout for a hardened criminal."

-cw-

Alex Yates

Heeeey! Wait a min.......ummmmm......"touche" Mike. LOL.

Chuck - good one! Another bar.........LOL. I make a poor Irish lass because I really can't handle my liquor. VERY low tolerance.

The Buffalo thing....I just don't get it....not yet anyway. LOL. (scratching my head) OK. I got it now. By osmosis only. LOL.