Alex Yates

For all of our brothers and sisters of the Jewish faith, here is a little Passover humor.

The Two-Minute Haggadah

A Passover seder for the impatient.


By Michael Rubiner


Opening prayers:


Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)


Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)


Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free. That's whywe're doing this.


Four questions:


1. What's up with the matzoh?


2. What's the deal with horseradish?


3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?


4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?


Answers:


1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry.


There was no time for making decent bread.


2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.


3. It's called symbolism.


4. Free people get to slouch.


A funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)


The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:


Wise child-explain Passover.


Simple child-explain Passover slowly.


Silent child-explain Passover loudly.


Wicked child-browbeat in front of the relatives.


Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets fivebucks.


The story of Passover: It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt.


Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. God parts the Red Sea.


We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the


desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple,enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)


The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice-you name it.


The singing of "Dayenu":


If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough.
If he'd punished our enemies and not parted theRed Sea, if would've been enough.
If he'd parted the Red Sea-(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)


Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch.


Thanks again, God, for everything.


SERVE MEAL.

Jon Kratzer

hahahahah

zeman hayrutaynu...nothing like it.

Hag kasher v'same'ah!

Jon

__________________
Seid bereit, immer bereit.
http://www.jonkratzer.com - down for construction-
http://www.grmouthpieces.com

stchasking

One of the best shows I saw on PBS is "Walking the Bible." My Baptist friends were afraid of it. My Catholic friends didn't know the story. My Protestant friends bought the DVD and coffee table book with a pledge to PBS.


Jim

__________________
"I was performing professionally at age 17 and have never had a real job." Allen Vizzutti

http://cdbaby.com/cd/mcking

Sustained note

Wow... first Tom Turner and now you Jon.
I bet you both speak hebrew better than I.

__________________
Michael

Schilke B1
Schilke 15B
------------
Keep a sense of humor

http://tizmoret.co.il/InConcert/13-1-2007/index.htm

Solar Bell

Alex,

A lot of good and funny one minute movies, (Jewish) here.

1-minute Movies

-cw-

__________________
Chuck Willard
The Willard of Oz

"Don't be afraid to see what you see."
Ronald Reagan

tromj

Of course, after the meal, we get to drink more wine.
heh....
B'emet z'man cheiruteinu, aval lo cheirut me'achilat matzah ushtiyat yayin.
Jordan

__________________
Bach 37
Yamaha 8310Z
Yamaha 631 Flugel
Getzen 850 Cornet
Yamaha Picc
Yamaha Xeno C 8445
Monette B1-5M, B1-5F, B1-5D cornet, Stork 3P, Monette C1-5M