PUNs

Liad Bar-EL · 12-20-2006, 06:11 AM

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

4. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

5. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

6. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

8. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

9. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

11. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

12. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

13. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan , you've seen Ahmal."

14. A guy sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

davidjohnson · 12-20-2006, 08:31 AM

ah...truly disgusting... :)

Dave Mickley · 12-20-2006, 09:43 AM

what a way to start the morning - thanks Liad. Dave

12-20-2006, 06:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
Liad Bar-EL Forte User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Jerusalem, Israel Posts: 1,168	PUNs 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 4. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 5. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual." 6. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 8. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 9. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" 10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 11. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 12. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 13. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan , you've seen Ahmal." 14. A guy sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

12-20-2006, 08:31 AM	#2 (permalink)
davidjohnson Piano User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: arkansas Posts: 377	Re: PUNs ah...truly disgusting... :)

12-20-2006, 09:43 AM	#3 (permalink)
Dave Mickley Piano User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 378	Re: PUNs what a way to start the morning - thanks Liad. Dave __________________ formerly known as old geezer Dave C7 Yam. 231 Fl. 15383 King Master Cornet 295628 Weril Cornet Lo 7535

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