Tootsall

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss U.S.A. contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-- Mariah Carey, singer
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for the Federal Anti-smoking Campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky Basketball Forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"
-- Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the President."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
-- A U.S. congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Danny Ozark, manager of Philadelphia Phillies
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- former U.S. Vice President Al Gore
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" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"
-- George W. Bush, U.S. President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- former U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-- former president of American Motors, Lee Iacocca
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"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &! sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- former U.S.. President Bill Clinton,
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- former U.S. Vice President Al Gore
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- State Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.."
-- Mark S. Fowler, former Federal Communications Commission Chairman

Solar Bell

We had this great reporter on Channel 7 News a while back.

He was on the story when a body was pulled from a lake. The body had the hands tied behind the back and was weighted down with concrete.

The great reporter asked the Deputy Sheriff is there was any sign of foul play.

The cop's face was priceless.

-cw-

__________________
Chuck Willard
The Willard of Oz

"Don't be afraid to see what you see."
Ronald Reagan

fatpauly

Now, how come when those people make those statements, they seem stupid, but when Yogi Berra does, its sheer genius?

- Paul Artola
Ellicott City, Maryland

larry newman

Exactly.

If we knew the answer to that, we could be famous too...

Tootsall

Who says Yogi's comments were genius? I put them in the same class as the above. He was a great manager; but he wasn't going to win any Pulitzer Prizes.

Solar Bell

WHAT????

484-444 win-lose

6-8 win-lose world series

-cw-

__________________
Chuck Willard
The Willard of Oz

"Don't be afraid to see what you see."
Ronald Reagan

Tootsall

Well, by Detroit standards anyway.

Solar Bell

THAT was COLD Ed!!

True, but COLD!

-cw-

__________________
Chuck Willard
The Willard of Oz

"Don't be afraid to see what you see."
Ronald Reagan

Dave Mickley

at least Detroit has won some. Indianaplois [basket ball and foot ball] always has "next year". I'm starting to feel like a Cubs fan. [did I say that or think it ] . Dave

__________________
formerly known as old geezer Dave
C7
Yam. 231 Fl. 15383
King Master Cornet 295628
Weril Cornet Lo 7535

Manny Laureano

Toots,

The other day I paraphrased Yogi to one of our big buck patrons. I said:

"Yeah, Beethoven's fifth is so popular nobody plays it anymore." She didn't get it so I just changed the subject.

ML