rowuk

Found this in a closed forum that I frequent (non trumpet). Was too good to leave there!

What My Mother Taught Me:
1.*_ _**_My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_*. 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

2.*_ _**_My mother taught me RELIGION_* . 'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.'

3.*_ _**_My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_* . 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4.*_ _**_My mother taught me LOGIC_* . 'Because I said so, that's why.'

5.*_ _**_My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_* . 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6.*_ _**_My mother taught me FORESIGHT_*. 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7.*_ _**_My mother taught me IRONY_*. 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8.*_ _**_My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS_*. 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9.*_ _**_My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM_* . 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10.*_ _**_My mother taught me about STAMINA_* 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11.*_ _**_My mother taught me about WEATHER_* . 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12.*_ _**_My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_* 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13.*_ _**_My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_* . 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14.*_ _**_My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_*. 'Stop acting like your father!'

15.*_ _**_My mother taught me about ENVY_*. 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16.*_ _**_My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION_*. 'Just wait until we get home.'

17.*- -**- My mother taught me about RECEIVING_* . 'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18.*_ _**_My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_*. 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.'

19.*_ _**_My mother taught me ESP_* . 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20.*_ _**_My mother taught me HUMOR_* . 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21.*_ _**_My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_* . 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22.*_ _**_My mother taught me GENETICS_*. 'You're just like your father.'

23.*- -** My mother taught me about my ROOTS_*. 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24.*_ _**_My mother taught me WISDOM_*. 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. *_ _**_My mother taught me about JUSTICE_* 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you '

Patric_Bernard

Hahahaha that is hillarious and true.. My mom has said every one of those things to me.

Eeviac

My mother taught me about DIVERSITY - "you kids are running around like wild Indians" lol.