Tootsall

WARNING:

This is a Canadian joke. Non-Canadians may not understand it. If you lived here you would.

Advance apologies to Los Angalenos... but we don't really have anywhere that you can get away with driving with a gun in your lap! Besides, that chunk of steel is frickin' cold and who needs that aggravation?

HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL

2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: OTTAWA

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, cradling cell phone, balancing Tim Horton's coffee on knee, foot solidly on accelerator: CALGARY

5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, handgun on lap: LOS ANGELES

6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: REGINA, but driving in TORONTO

7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned totally to someone in the back seat: QUEBEC CITY

8. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging hand on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: VANCOUVER

9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the brake and both feet on the accelerator throwing McDonald's bag out the window: RED DEER

10. Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on the floor, dead moose still in truck box, raccoon tails attached to antenna: PRINCE GEORGE

11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield driving 40 km/hr on Hwy1 in the left lane with the left blinker on: VICTORIA

AND THE BEST ONE OF ALL:

12. One ski-doo mitt frozen to steering wheel, other ski-doo mitt with scraper in hand out front window scraping frost, “Guess Who” on 8 track playing Share The Land, hockey equipment smelling up car interior, waiting at lights for snow removal equipment to finish clearing intersection: SASKATOON

NYTC

WOW

Heavens2kadonka

Ive never heard of Red Deer or Saskatoon, but I do get the other ones (You should have had something about the Quebec drivers expecting the universe to revolve around their vehicle, or something to that effect).

Van

Tootsall

I've driven (and lived) in Montreal; if a car with Quebec plates flashes it's brake lights at a stop sign it is because the driver's foot slipped off the accelerator. My wife was raised in Victoria... 'tis absolutely true. (They say that Victoria is the place for the newlyweds and nearlydeads.) Beautiful city though.

Red Deer is a "city" of about 68,000 half way between Edmonton (Wayne Gretzky town) and Calgary. I have lived there and my mother still lives there. Oh it's true.

Saskatoon is east of Red Deer and just inside the Saskatchewan border (making it north from Regina... more or less). It is COLD and snowy there (especially in winter). But they have great arts and music programs so I can't go too hard on them.

Vancouver...my brother lives there and it's on the way to visit the in-laws who live in Victoria. Oh yeah. (I know an ethnic joke about some Vancouver drivers but political correctness prevents me from relating it in public).

Prince George is 'up north' in BC. Loggers and hunters (mostly).

I go to Calgary once every few months to remind myself why I prefer to live in a smaller city (with less traffic).

Toronto... been there, done that... for four years.

Ottawa... same story.

I visited LA area once about 4? or 5 years back....and still shudder to think of how many cars around me had weapons hidden (or not so hidden) away in them. That was the year that a high school girl got blasted by the cops because she was asleep in her car waiting for her father to come and fix a flat tire. The police approached her and, startled, she appeared to make a move for the gun in her lap. Wrong move. (Whatever DID happen to that? There must have been an inquiry).

Maybe that's why I think it's so darn funny... it's true!

fatpauly

"It's RE-G-EYE-NA, not RE-GEE-NA!"

- Regina Tourism Board Motto

Tootsall

RONG! It's "Ree-Jeye-Na".

W Scott

I'd guess your both wrong as I've heard so many Canadians pronounce it 'vagina' !

bandman

That wasn't nice

trumpetpimp

We're not that bad in Toronto. It's tough to get angry when you're going 20KPH anyway. Then again, you have to differentiate between bumper-to-bumper traffic in the city and bumper-to-bumper traffic on the highway. We go at least 10 clicks faster on the highway.

Did you know that rush hour in Toronto starts a 6 am and continues until 5:55 the following morning?

Nice post, Tootsall.